TONIGHT WE'RE GOLD

TWENTY

Gerard could get the first flight to San Antonio, but it's not until five in the morning, and that's still a couple of hours away, plus the five hours to get there. He doesn't know if he can do it.

But it's his only choice.

He takes Lois to the neighbor's house, and leaves for the airport. He knows he has to tell Linda, but he doesn't want to worry her, not when he's a wreck himself. He needs to calm down first.

James keeps sending him updates on him. Frank's in an induced coma, waiting for his body to recover.

Gerard doesn't believe in a god anymore, but he still prays Frank wakes up and he gets better.

His world means nothing without Frank.

He'd die if something happens to him.

He's crying halfway through the flight, and he knows people are looking but he doesn't care. He sobs, causing a flight attendant to ask him what's wrong. 'I'm fine,' he says. 'I'm just – having the worst day ever.'

'It's okay to cry sometimes,' the old lady next to him tells him.

And Gerard doesn't know why, maybe he just needs to let it out, but he tells her. 'My boyfriend is in the hospital. I'm on my way there, and just hoping he's okay.'

He's waiting for her to judge him or say something. But she doesn't. Instead, she gives him her old red-beaded rosary. 'Here,' she says. 'It'll bring you strength.'

'Thank you,' he says, not sure what to say. It reminds him of his grandma and praying with her.

'You want me to pray for him?'

'Please,' he says, sobbing as she starts saying her prayers.

*****

He didn't even know when he fell asleep, but he wakes up as they're arriving, and at least he feels a little rested after so many sleepless nights. And he knows there are more coming.

He grabs the only bag he brought with him and runs out to get a cab to the hospital, clutching the rosary in his hand as a good luck charm.

When he gets to the hospital it's ten a.m. and it feels like it's been ages in that plane.

James is waiting for him in the lobby. 'He's still unconscious,' he says first thing. 'The doctors says he's stable, and we're just waiting for him to wake up.'

Gerard starts crying again, and James hugs him. 'I'm so sorry,' he says. 'I wish I could have stopped him.'

'It's not your fault.'

James leads him upstairs to where Frank is, and the nurse asks how is he related to him. 'I'm the fiancé.'

So they let him in.

But he's not prepared to see him like that.

Stuck in a bed, tubes coming out of his mouth and nose, and linked to his arms.

Frank doesn't even look alive except for his chest going up and down, proving he's at least breathing on his own.

Gerard looks at his fragile body, unable to bear the thought of losing him. 'C'mon, Frankie,' he says, crying in his shoulder, holding his hand. 'Please wake up, I'm here now.'

*****

Hours go by, and he still hasn't woken up.

Doctors say it can take hours, maybe a couple days. They come and go, check on him, and leave. Gerard stays by him the whole time.

They tell him it's to let his brain heal and avoid swelling. His vitals are fine. They're checking on his heart rate and possible damage, as well as his liver, but they'll have to wait until he's awake to run some tests.

Gerard falls asleep in the recliner, holding Frank's hand.

'I have to call your mom,' he says to Frank, even though he's not listening. 'I don't want to worry her, so please come back to me.'

It takes a couple of tries until Linda picks up the phone, and when she does, Gerard doesn't know how to tell her. 'Something happened,' he says, on the verge of crying. 'Frankie relapsed.' He can hear her crying already, and he hasn't told her the whole thing. 'He overdosed, I'm here with him in San Antonio.' He knows she had the right to get mad at him. 'I'm sorry I just told you, I just didn't want you to worry.'

'Is he okay?'

'He's getting there, I think.' He caresses his hair. 'I can get you a plane ticket.'

'You don't have to do that, honey.'

'You have to be here for him.' After a while, she agrees, and tells him she'll call Frank's dad. He hadn't even thought about it. 'I'll keep you updated and send you the tickets.'

'Thank you, honey. I'm glad he has you now.'

'Me too.'

The doctors send him away for a few minutes, so he goes to the cafeteria. He hasn't eaten anything all day, though he's not really hungry. He runs into James, who's still waiting in the lobby to see Frank, so he asks him to go with him. 'I don't want to be alone right now,' Gerard says.

He only gets a parfait and coffee.

They sit in silence, Gerard trying not to break down, but James knows what he wants to ask. 'I'm sorry I didn't tell you how bad it really was,' he says. 'I didn't want to worry you, and the tour was almost over.'

Gerard just nods. 'What happened?'

James hesitates to tell him. He knows he can't tell him everything. 'He was doing coke and pills. It went down really fast. Last night I was about to call you, hoping you'd calm him down, and he threw my phone away and got mad, then ran out of the venue just before we were supposed to play.' He pauses for a second. 'He's lucky Cara went out to look for him just then. She found him convulsing in the back of the bus.'

Gerard doesn't want that mental image.

'Thanks for calling me,' he says, tears already falling down his face.

'Of course. You're his only hope. The last time he wasn't so lucky. He didn't have someone who supported him like this, and she –'

'I know.'

'That only made it worse. But I'm glad he found you.'

'I'm glad too.'

*****

He sits next to Frank again, the beeping of monitors in the background.

He takes his hand, almost lifeless, but he knows Frankie is there. He knows he can hear him. So he talks to him, hoping he can convince him. 'Hey, baby,' he starts. 'I miss you.' He tells him about Lois, and life back at home. 'I need you to come back to me, okay? You need to wake up because we need to get married and have lots of babies and more dogs –' He's sobbing now, and he wishes Frank was awake cause he's the only who knows how to make everything better.

Holding his hand, he starts singing that song Frank likes so much. The one they always sing to each other in the car, hoping that helps.

Don't you remember you told me you loved me baby,
You said you'd be coming back this way again baby,
Baby, baby, baby, baby, oh, baby, I love you, I really do

He falls asleep in the most uncomfortable position, his head on Frank's shoulder, and wakes up to Frank squeezing his hand.

He sits up right away, and there he is. His eyes are barely open, but he's definitely awake, looking at him. 'How long you've been up?'

'Not long,' he struggles to say. 'I didn't want to wake you up.' His voice is hoarse and weak, and he's clearly in pain. But he's alive. 'I'm so sorry,' he says, crying.

'No, don't cry.'

They don't say anything for a while, they're just happy to be together again, and there's a lot of crying, and Frank throwing up. Gerard gets in bed and cuddles with him, stroking his hair. 'Can you sing me that Carpenters song, please?' Frank asks.

'Yeah.'