TONIGHT WE'RE GOLD

FORTY-NINE

Frank wakes up in his husband's arms. Close and warm. He breathes Gerard in for a moment, smells him. He smells like the cheap soap he likes to use because he says anything else gives him a rash. His old shirt smells like paint.

As if he was reading his mind, Gerard wakes up and lets out a sleepy giggle. 'It's too early for whatever you're thinking,' he mumbles.

'It's never too early,' Frank says against his neck, and then kisses it. 'And I'm not thinking anything. Other than how I love waking up like this.'

'Me too.'

It's taken them a while, but they've found their own pace and a new routine. And a lot of it consists in taking their time to be with each other, to just enjoy time and not do anything. Appreciate each other and their family. So they take their time and cuddle for a bit longer, not saying a word. Frank gets a little closer, and keeps kissing his neck, and then his face, tickling him. 'How are you even real?' he asks, half asleep, pulling up his eyelids and his upper lip, then stretching his cheeks.

'I don't know,' the older man laughs, and then messes up his husband's hair. They stay like that for a while, just lying close to each other. 'Can you believe the twins are almost one?'

'What the fuck?! Where did time go?' Frank replies, looking up at the ceiling.

'I don't know. It doesn't feel real, that's for sure.'

'I know. Dylan took his first steps, and Emi already said her first word. Soon, they'll be graduating high school.'

'Shut up!' Gerard says. 'I don't want them to grow up.'

'Me neither.' He pauses and looks at Gerard. 'Can we just stop time here? I like where we are now.'

'Me too.' Yet, they have no choice but to get up, and go check on their children. They change their diapers and get them ready. Gerard makes coffee, while Frank goes to take the dogs for a walk. Once back home, he takes a shower and gets ready for work. He still has another year of supervised sessions to get his license, so he's still at the youth center. In the meantime, Gerard is doing the last edits of his book, and plans on taking a year off to take care of himself and the kids. So after breakfast, he drops off the kids at daycare.

He is happy. He really is. It took him some time – a long time – to get better, and back on his feet, slowly back on track. But with the help of Frank and his love for routines, he thinks he's got it.

And with the help of his therapist, he realized that after all those years being alone, he needed that. He needed some time where it was just him. Him and the cats and dogs somewhere in the house, listening to music and writing. It took him some time to understand, but that's how he works. He was so used to being alone and living his life, and as much as he loves Frank and their kids, he loves some alone time.

He puts on a Queen record, and sits in his desk. There's a frame of him and his family from last Christmas sitting in front of him, and Lotion decided to sleep just next to it. And Gerard sits there for hours, editing and adding scenes until he needs more coffee and has to run to the kitchen. And then again, until his alarm goes off, reminding him to pick the kids up from daycare.

He makes dinner, as usual, and when Frank comes home, he plays with the babies until he falls asleep in the couch. They talk for hours after dinner, joking around, and finishing one of Frank's puzzles.

The next morning, they start to get ready for the twins' birthday party. Gerard said that they'd never remember it, but Frank insisted that they had to celebrate them and the day their family grew, so now they're having a party.