TONIGHT WE'RE GOLD

TWENTY-FOUR

He hasn't slept in the last couple days since he's home again.

As if she knew, Lois sleeps right next to him.

Halfway through the night, Gerard notices and wakes up. 'Anxiety again?' Gerard asks

Frank nods. 'It never leaves.'

'I'm here.' His fiancé puts his arms around him, holding him tight and fixing his hair. It hurts so much to see him like this. He doesn't know how to put his pieces back. 'What do you want me to do?'

'Just stay like this.'

'Okay.' Gerard leans his head on Frank's taking deep breaths, and Frank follows them, starting to calm down. 'Can you tell me a story?'

'About?'

'You choose. You're the writer here.'

'Okay.' He pauses to think of something. 'Once upon a time, a little boy who wanted to his own prince charming. People told him he needed a princess, but the boy wanted a prince to come and take him away like in the fairytales. At some point, he gave up. He thought someone like him would never have his own prince. That he wasn't attractive or interesting enough. He grew up and settled down with a girl, even though he knew he didn't like her like that. And even when his dreams came true, and his books got published, he wasn't happy because he didn't have a prince to share them with.' Frank knows where this is going. 'Then one day, a handsome prince approached his castle, and he was nice to him, and brought him coffee and talked to him. The prince stayed, and they fell in love.'

'Did they?'

'Yeah.' Gerard leans in to kiss him.

'Was he a handsome prince, then?'

'The handsomest.'

Frank smiles, probably for the first time since he got back home. 'We're gonna get through this, right?'

'We are.'

***

Frank is taking it slow.

Mostly sitting in the couch watching TV, or playing with Lois. He feels like he needs to do something more, but he really doesn't have the energy. And then, the anxiety hits again, and he has to sit down.

Gerard takes care of him the whole time, almost forcing him to sit outside with him or go to the park or the grocery store.

Then Friday comes, and he has his first AA meeting since he's back home. 'You want to come with me?' he asks Gerard. 'I don't know if I can do it alone.'

'Absolutely.'

They make it to the same place Frank used to go before he left for LA, a little house next to a catholic church where the meetings are held. Everyone seems surprised to see Frank back. He's wearing Gerard's hoodie again, and his hair is getting longer since the last time. He doesn't have to say it for them to know something happened.

They sit in the very back, Gerard holding his hand, and listening to the speaker. When she asks if someone wants to come up front, Frank raises his hand and walks to where she is and hugs her.

'Hi,' he starts. His hair is covering his face, making it more comfortable to talk. He feels so small and weak. And his voice breaks as soon as he starts. 'My name is Frank, and I'm an alcoholic.'

'Hello, Frank,' everyone says, and that makes him smile.

'I've been two weeks and six days sober.' He pauses, holding in the tears. 'I started drinking again when I was in LA, and it got worse and worse. And I – tried to kill myself.' He starts sobbing, and the lady that was just talking hugs him. 'I honestly don't know how I've made it, but that man you see back there, he's my fiancé, and he's kept me together since.'

'We're glad you're back, Frank,' the lady says. 'We'll be here.'

'Thank you, Lina. I'm gonna need that.'

When the session is over, he goes to talk to Lina again, who offers him a sponsor, and some brochures for Gerard so he knows how to help. 'How are you doing, honey?'

'Not good.'

'It'll take time.'

'I know. I just need to get a job, and start a new routine. I know that will help.'

'If you need us to help you with a job, just tell us. You're smart. I know you'll get something.'

'I'd appreciate it.'

***

By Sunday, Lina calls him to tell him Mrs. Harris, another lady from the group, told her there's a job available at the grocery store she works at, and Frank tells her he'll take it.

'Frank, we can look for something else if you want,' Gerard insists. 'You're too smart for this kind of job.'

'I don't know about that. But right now, I just need to do something, and my brain isn't really working, so just let me have this, okay? I just want to be normal.'

'Okay.'

'Just promise me you won't settle down.'

'I won't. but please give me some time.'

'I will.'

***

He still can't sleep at night, but in the past couple days, he takes the leather journal Gerard gave him, and just writes whatever comes to mind. Poems, lyrics to songs he'll never write. Whatever. He lets out everything.

Every morning he wakes up at six thirty like he used to, and takes Lois for a walk. When he's back, Gerard has the coffee ready, and they have breakfast.

He goes for the interview at the grocery store, and they give him a job as stocker. It's a night shift job, but he takes it. They say he can get promoted to cashier soon. He doesn't really mind.

He starts that same night, and an eighteen year old guy trains him, telling him where everything goes. Frank can't help laugh at how he was on tour just one month ago, and now he works at a grocery store.

When he comes home at four in the morning, he's tired enough to fall asleep, and doesn't wake up until noon. He sits outside to drink his coffee, while Gerard types endlessly on his computer, and Lois asks him to pet her.

He takes a shower, cleans the house, sometimes he makes dinner, and then he's off again. And he repeats.

He's already starting to feel better.

At peace, knowing what to do and where to go next. He just has to keep going. One day at a time.