TONIGHT WE'RE GOLD

TWENTY-TWO

They're finally on their way home.

Frank sleeps through the entire plane ride, and Gerard can't help feeling sad for him. He knows he's feeling like shit. He just hopes being home for a while can help. Holding the rosary in one hand, and Frank's hand in the other, he prays for the first time in years.

He prays for Frank to get better, for everything to be the way it used to.

Linda and Cheech left the day before, and Gerard noticed Frank look distant after that, almost like he's avoiding him.

But he's not giving up. He knows that's what Frank is expecting. That Gerard gets so disappointed in him, he leaves him. But he won't. He promised to be by his side, and that's what he'll do.

He looks so peaceful asleep, and all Gerard wants is to protect him from everything, fix him and make sure he's okay.

Frank isn't the same cheerful, smiling guy he met. The one who was always making dumb jokes, and looking for ways to be annoying. Gerard misses that.

And he knows it'll take a while to have him again, but he'll do anything for Frank.

Anything.

***

When they make it home, it's quiet as hell.

'Where is she?' Frank asks, looking for Lois.

'With Mikey. I already called him and they're on their way to bring her home.' He hugs him, even though he knows Frank needs his best friend, and that not even him can compare to Lois. 'Let's get you to bed. I'll make you some tea while she gets here.' He tucks him in. Frank is still medicated so it doesn't take him long to doze off. And just then, the doorbell rings.

As soon as he opens the door, Lois runs in, looking for Frank.

She obviously knows something's wrong, and lies next to him in bed, licking his face and trying to help him feel better. 'Come here, baby girl,' Frank says, smiling for the first time in forever, which makes Gerard's heart melt. 'I missed you so much.'

'Thanks for taking care of her,' Gerard says to his brother when he's back in the kitchen.

'Anytime. Rowan loves her.' There's a long silence. 'Is he okay?'

'No. It's worse than I thought.' He starts crying too, but tries to calm down before Frank hears him. 'I knew about his past. I knew it was bad. But not like this. And I know it'll be hard, but I'm not leaving him.'

'I know you won't.' Mikey gets up to comfort his brother.

'He thinks I will, but I need him too. It's not just about him.' He's sobbing now, and Mikey sits there the whole time, listening to his brother.

'When is he supposed to go to rehab?'

'The day after tomorrow. The doctor wanted to transfer him to a rehab center back in San Antonio, but I knew he needed to see Lois first. He needed to be home. Or maybe I wanted him home, I don't know.'

'You're doing the right thing,' his younger brother tells him. 'Your stubbornness and your patience are like magic. He's lucky to have found you. You already saved me, so I should know.' He hugs Gerard again. 'I'll never thank you enough, and I know Frank will thank you one day too.'

When Mikey leaves, Gerard starts cleaning the house, mainly to distract himself from everything, from the silence and all the doubts. And then he starts unpacking Frank's stuff to do the laundry, and finds another box of pills hidden in his clothes.

Shit.

He looks through all the pockets and finds more pills.

He doesn't know if he can do this anymore.

Frank finds him sobbing, sitting in the middle of the living room. 'What's wrong?' he asks, even know he knows the answer to that. He knows it's his fault Gerard is crying. 'Why are you crying?'

Gerard gets up right away and walks up to Frank, wiping off his tears. 'I'm good, don't worry.'

'No, you're not! I know it's because of me. I know I ruined everything.'

He did, he thinks for a second, but he doesn't say it. He hates himself for thinking it. It's not his fault. He's sick, and he needs help. 'You didn't. I just –' He pauses for a second. When the words come out again, his voice is full of pain and anger. 'I can't understand why you tried to kill yourself. I thought we were happy. I thought you were happy with me.'

'I was.' Frank is crying again. 'And that's exactly why. I didn't want to ruin your life anymore. I knew I made everything worse –'

'You really think you'd make my life better if you died?!' Gerard yells at him. He knows it's not the right time to let out his own issues, but he's tired too. 'How do you think I felt when I realized you were drinking again? Or when you left for tour? And when James called me to tell me you OD'd? It hurt, Frank, it really hurt.'

Frank just sobs, wanting to hug Gerard or run away and never come back.

'I needed you too! I thought you'd leave me at the first chance you got! I know I'm so out of your league, and I was scared you'd realize that. And I was scared I'd end up alone again! But I stuck with you no matter what, because I know if you leave me, I'll have no one else. I was depressed too. And before we met, my life sucked, and then you showed up and gave me hope! You're my only hope, Frank, when are you going to get that?!'

Frank gives him a hurt look that stops him. Like he's about to break and crumble in front of him.

'I love you, Frank. I love you so much.'

'No, don't say that. Don't love me.'

'I'll keep saying it. I know you're used to people leaving you when it gets shitty, but I'm not them. I'm not your ex. I'll stay, and we'll get through this, okay?' Frank nods. Gerard just pulls him closer and hugs him real tight, not letting him go, not letting him break. 'I love you, and I thought I'd never felt like this about someone. But you changed that. And I thought loving someone meant being there when they most need you, so that's what I'll do.' Frank is sobbing in his ear. 'It hurts me that you slept with someone else, but I know the Frank I love would never do that, and I know you're still that amazing guy I met, you just need a little help. So I'll help you, okay? Let me help you.'

Frank nods in his shoulder, and they hug for the longest time, letting it all out.

***

Frank spends most of the next day lying on the couch, Lois by his side. Gerard makes him tea, and takes care of him, but gives him some space.

Linda pays them a visit, and stays with them the rest of the afternoon, comforting her son. They don't talk a lot, but Frank feels better just by having her there. He even sleeps with her in the guest room, before she leaves early the next morning for work.

'You want to take Lois for a walk before leaving?' Gerard asks. Frank just nods.

They both take a walk around the neighborhood, Lois on a leash ahead of them. 'It's good to be home,' Frank says, and takes Gerard's hand. He wants his old life back too.

'You'll be back soon.'

Frank nods.

***

The rehab center is pretty much a hospital, near the shore.

The drive there is quiet, but Frank puts on music to fill the silence. Bright Eyes. Their favorite band.

He'll get better.

At least this time there's someone who believes in him enough to make the effort.

He has to get better for Gerard. For both.