What You Are Is Beautiful

The Iblis

Ava sat in her room for what felt like hours. She knew it was nearing lunch, but she didn't want to face the other Sisters and Beatrice. She knew they needed to talk, but she didn't know how to. Ava understood that Beatrice was stressed because of her mother's presence, but she was still hurt by the nun's sudden coldness after what they had shared just the night before and early that morning. God, I'm already fucked and we haven't even spoken about being exclusive.

Ava wipes away her tears, pulled herself out of bed, and sat down at the vanity. Her eyes wandered around the room with her thoughts until they landed on the piece of fabric still stuck in the wall. She didn't remember walking over, but she was there, on the floor, crouched down in front of the tag caught in the wall.

She lightly fingered the cloth before standing and phasing into the secret room. She was immediately mesmerized by the bright, cool glow of the bowl of crystals. She moved further into the room, placing her hand lightly on the cover of the journal containing entries from OCS champions before her. She grabbed it up and looked at it before sitting down with her back against the uneven stone wall. She shuffled to try and get comfortable before flipping open to a random page. Luckily it was written in English.

It was time for her to learn more about her predecessors. She almost couldn't believe it but she felt slightly motivated to be as good as them, even if knew she would likely never come close.

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"You stopped writing to your father and I." Beatrice's mother took a sip of her tea. "How come?"

Beatrice's long and slender fingers lightly grasped at the long spoon she was using to stir in her sugar. "I just got so busy. I would get your letter and set it aside until I had time to read it. And then, I would set it aside with the intention of writing back. But things around the Order are only getting busier and busier, especially with now having to help train Ava in practically everything."

"Well it's good you're staying busy. Your father wasn't able to get away from work for long enough to visit, but we would like to keep tabs on you. And that's very hard to do when you won't even do something so little as write back." Beatrice reached for more sugar. "Don't you think that three packets is enough?"

"Oh." Beatrice retracted her hand. "I guess you're right." The two sat in silence while Beatrice stared down at her tea.

"I see you're still the quiet kind."

"I took a vow of silence. I vowed to not speak when it is unnecessary."

"Right." Her mother sighed. "I forgot." She set her cup down on the table and folded her hands in front of her. "You know," Beatrice looked up, "I never understood why you became a nun. It was definitely a surprise. With the trouble you had been getting into previously, I guess it was a relief, but still an odd thought nonetheless. My daughter. A nun."

"My loyalties lay solely with God now. As they should."

"Okay."

Beatrice looked back down to her tea. She lifted her tea bag, enjoying the slow drips causing ripples in her cup. She tried her best to ignore the tangible tension that was laid thick on their atmosphere. She felt like her lungs were going to collapse inward. She was finding it harder and harder to breathe and stay calm the longer she sat with her mother, but she knew she had to keep herself collected. Everyone has a cross to bear. Perhaps this is mine.

"You've been making friends."

Beatrice met her mother's gaze. "Yes. I have made quite a few. We aren't just friends. They're my family." She knew the comment was a slight jab, but she couldn't help it. They would always be more of a family to her than her mother and father could be.