What You Are Is Beautiful

New Begginings for a Silly Boy

A/N I need to decide on a name for Mary's mom. Let me know if you have any ideas. Also, I don't have siblings but I tried my best to write an accurate telling of that situation.

The room was dark. A cold, pale glow filtered in through the window, a stark contrast to the sticky heat gluing Camila's curly dark hairs to her forehead. She was restless, thoughts racing and heart drumming with anxiety.

This night was not the first sleepless night for her. It had only been a week since her father's sudden death had left her family in despair. And one thing she had learned about despair in her recent observations was that people unable to find closure would search for it on their own, regardless of how destructive their methods might be.

Camila sought comfort in the earthy smell of her garden while her mother remained desperate for someone to blame. She was the oldest of her siblings and at the time, the only one old enough to really commit a true transgression against God, other than being born with original sin, something she didn't quite understand even after a whole life of being Catholic.

Camila stared at the wall across from her, watching the shadows slowly drift across the room as the clouds traveled above her, thousands of miles away at the speed of an angry galloping deer. She could almost imagine them leaping around on the cloudy terrain, antlers shining with the stars and hooves gracefully skimming their gaseous ground, kicking the clouds around the sky. She imagined small bunnies leaping under their hooves, making swirly curly shapes before digging burrows into the dark of the sky. She watched their dance on the wall , mesmerized and enchanted, and could almost see their forms, carefree and telestial, gliding across the dark painted canvas of the sky.

She turned on her side, tilting her head back to face the window. The mattress creaked under her weight and she silently prayed to not wake her sleeping infant brother or beat of a pre teen sister. She stared out the window at the sky, daring one to make its presence known to her. She watched, knowing it wouldn't happen, but still waiting to see two fuzzy bunny ears or the blinking shine of the eyes of a deer. She stared out intensely, blocking out the snoring of her sister on the bottom bunk of their bed and shifted to lay down, propping her body up on her elbows. She watched for a moment longer before letting out a sigh and turning back over to stare at the ceiling only a foot away from her face.

She took a few deep breaths, closing her eyes and trying to settle the dread that was slowly crawling out of the pit it had dug itself in her stomach. She felt her breathing slow, her heart settle on a slow and steady rhythm and heard the brush of wind against the exterior of their small and crowded house.

"I swear to God, Cam. If you're gonna play with yourself, be a bit quieter."

Camila's eyes flew open. "I'm not."

"Says you," her sister replied from the bottom bunk. "I have ears and that was a lot of sighing and tossing. Look, it's fine, it's just weird."

"I'm looking out the window, you nosy brat." Camila leaned over the edge of the bed to speak.

"Of course you are," she responded sarcastically. Camila could hear the grin in her voice. She was purposely being an ass.

"Why are you even awake?"

"Why are you?"

Camila rolled back over onto her back, looking up at the ceiling once more. "I couldn't sleep."

She heard her sister snort. "I can tell."

"What?" Camila snapped.

"What? I didn't say anything."