What You Are Is Beautiful

A Cross To Bear

"Ava!" Beatrice gasped.

Ava froze as the first iblis descended upon her. Then a searing pain tore itself through her. She felt as if her spirit was being slowly torn from her body, nerve from nerve. A scream bubbled up inside her chest and exploded from her lungs. The shadowy masses had engulfed her, the world around her merely dancing through the fog of their forms. She could feel them all over her, pain firing through every nerve as if they had somehow managed to seep into her and tear her apart from the inside.

She could hear the Sisters practically shouting their prayers now, but Ava knew that they couldn't help her. Her halo burst with light at varying intervals as the pain intensified and momentarily softened like waves crashing upon a shore. Every wave made her feel raw and ready to decay down to bones. Her mind was blurring as the pain became too much to handle. Her thoughts slowed until there were none. The only signal firing in her mind was the intense pain shaking her being to the core. And then, the sweet surrender of unconsciousness.

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The last few hours felt like a blur. The group's sleepover had been moved to the infirmary where Ava lay unconscious on her med bed. The scene that had played out in the hall was a mess of panic and nerves to Beatrice still. She couldn't stop seeing Ava thrashing before her in agony. She couldn't stop hearing her screams. And she still couldn't gather a word to express her thoughts on what just happened.

At the moment, something primal inside of her had understood what was happening and had aided her by defending her mind from fear. She felt herself go numb as a tear slid down her face, the only remnants of the mortified beast that had awakened itself from within her. She watched as Ava flailed before her and then went limp.

The sight stoked a flame in her heart and she stood to face the now satiated hungry demons before her. An angry roar erupted from the pit of her stomach and out into the space between them. She stepped forward, not sure of what she wanted to do, but knowing it wouldn't be good. But just like that, the figures were gone and all that was left was the damage they had done.

Beatrice had immediately collapsed into a puddle beside Ava. She grabbed her hand and felt for a pulse, a wave of relief flooding her mind when she could feel the steadying rhythm of her heart as it began to slow.

Beatrice sat beside Ava's bed to hold her hand as she slept. She looked so peaceful. It made Beatrice's heart swell with a dangerous cocktail of feelings for the girl. She couldn't help but wonder what weakness the iblis has sensed in Ava. She knew she couldn't ask Ava until she woke up, but what if it had been her affection towards Beatrice that had triggered the attack? As much as Beatrice wanted to ignore the possibility, she couldn't.

She knew that she was supposed to take up her cross, but she had just begun to believe that maybe this wasn't her cross to bear. It was so difficult to keep that doubt from looming over her as she gazed worriedly at the woman who looked so small and frail when laid out on her sick bed. Beatrice couldn't help but feel guilty.

No one knew that they were going to be facing demons that fed off of emotion, but she still should have been prepared. She shouldn't have allowed years of training and barring herself up inside her mind to simply fall away at the soft caress of Ava's words and lips and body. And maybe if she had kept her guard up, Ava could have too. Beatrice knew she had weakened both of them with her actions and compliance to her heart's selfish desires.

So she promised to never let it happen again. She couldn't put Ava and the whole Order—and at this point the world—I'm danger just because she had the disadvantage of falling for the champion of God.

Beatrice leaned back in the chair, her hand slipping from Ava's sleepy grasp. She saw Ava's eyebrows wrinkle in response and felt her heart throb.

She pushed her chair back and pulled her legs up to her chest. Realizing she was still in her habit, she stood and reached for her stack of pajamas that Camila had grabbed for her. She made her way to another unoccupied bed and pulled the privacy curtain closed. She stripped down, laying each piece out before her as she fought to strip her mind of the sweet nothings that had been her's and Ava's just the night before.

When she emerged again, the room was still silent. The other Sisters all sat in their own chairs around the room, unsure of what to do or say after the events of the last hour. Lilith mindlessly clicked her claws against the underside of her seat in a steady rhythm. Camila folded her hands in her lap and let the waves of clicking noises wash over her as she fought the urge to reach for the tense demoness beside her. Mary stood in the corner of the room, already clad in gray sweatpants and a light pink sweatshirt. Her braids hung loose and free from their usual tie at the back of her neck.

Beatrice sat herself down again, now dressed in her blue striped button up pajamas. Ava was changed into a soft white cotton gown after the nuns in the infirmary were able to verify that she was in stable condition. Her skin was still cool and clammy.

"I'm going to change," Camila muttered under her breath before standing and making her way to the curtained bed beside Ava's. The rings scraped against the curved curtain rod as she pulled them closed before the room lapsed back into absolute silence once more.

When she emerged, Lilith had moved to another one of the sick beds in the infirmary where she had curled herself up, still in her habit, her gray mane splayed out on the pillow around her head. Those otherworldly traits looked anything but demonic and Camila could almost swear by her sleep softened expression and halo of hair that she was an angel.

She knew it was a silly thought, but it still made her heart swell with an unfamiliar feeling. She knew it felt good, so she didn't bother to think much of it. She instead made her way to the bed beside Lilith's and laid down so that she was facing the taller woman. She gazed on warmly and savored her soft lips and the way her eyelashes nearly brushed her cheeks. She found herself mesmerized by how one person could have such perfectly angular but soft cheekbones. Lilith was a wonder of her own and Camila found herself wanting to know more and more about this amazing woman.

Mary walked over to the door where she pulled it shut and turned off the light. The faint glow of Ava's bedside lamp casted its warm rays through its burnt orange lampshade, giving the usually LED lit room a cozy feel. She laid down on the brown chaise lounge positioned next to the desk at the front of the room. She pulled out her phone, checking the time before setting it down to try and get some rest. She took one last glance at Beatrice and Ava across the room to see Beatrice with her knees pulled to her chest sitting several paces away from the comatose halo bearer.

That day had been very eventful and the evening had been a tense one to say the least, but Mary had a feeling this wouldn't be the end of it.