What You Are Is Beautiful

River Naps

River naps became more common place for Ava and Beatrice. Beatrice would crawl out of her tent and Ava would be waiting for her at the campfire with some tea. They would drink it together and head to the river where they would lie down together and talk until they fell asleep under the sun.

Beatrice didn't consider her river naps becoming a regularly shared activity when she first agreed to Ava coming with her. That being said, she wasn't complaining either. There was something so comforting about Ava's sleepy babbling just before she fell asleep and the way she occasionally snored softly once she was out.

Ava's snoring was one of many things she had been able to observe in their two weeks camping on the countryside. It was an endearing little quirk, but even more adorable was Ava's touchiness. She was always absentmindedly toying with something and the boundary didn't end at her own body. It made sense though, considering she had only 7 years to develop muscle memory, most of which had depleted over the 11 years in paralysis.

Ava seemed to be entirely unconscious of her affectionate behavior. She didn't think twice before pulling stray debris from Camila's hair when she saw it. She didn't hesitate to give Lilith or Mary a hug before saying goodnight and she definitely didn't hesitate to touch Beatrice at any given opportunity.

Beatrice still wasn't used to the affection, but she was learning to deal with it. For so long, she had forced herself to be physically and emotionally distant from other girls in order to prevent herself from relapsing on her previous behavior, something she found herself longing to do more and more with each passing day.

Today started like always and stayed the same until they got to their little spot and laid down to have their daily talk. Today Ava was in a more curious mood.

"So. Are you ready to tell me more about this 'Reckless Beatrice' you're so desperately holding in?"

Bea was already becoming more uncomfortable. She didn't like the 'desperately holding in' portion. While it was true, she liked to pretend that that Beatrice was gone. But Ava managed to remind her that part of her was still alive every time she stepped foot in her general vicinity. Even that was a lie. That part of her was alive at just the thought of Ava Silva and it was sure to plague her every chance it got. The only difference was now she was being asked to discuss it openly.

Beatrice sighed and propped herself up on her elbow to look down at the shorter girl. She looked up at the blue sky hanging above them before looking back down. "I was a lot less disciplined." Beatrice wasn't sure if she was willing to dive all in, but her want to satisfy Ava demanded she at least dip her feet in to test the waters. "I hadn't been subjected to harsh rules as I was in Catholic school. My parents had harsh rules for me, but they were just my parents. I was only with them when I was at home, and that wasn't often. I always made sure to be away. I lived most of my life at school or with my friends or whatever after school club would take me. I wanted to do anything but be around my family."

"But that's just typical teenager stuff. Typical kid stuff really. What was so bad that they sent you away?" Ava scooted closer.

"There's certain things about who I am—things I can't control—that I started to act on when I got older. And that's what I got sent away for: acting on sinful impulses." Beatrice sighed and rolled onto her back. "I had always been taught to suppress that part of myself, but I didn't. Not until I absolutely had to. Catholic school headmasters are harder to escape. You can't leave campus unless it's a break, and even then, a lot of kids don't. That included me. The adults in charge controlled everything about me and how I lived. I had no control over my life and I still don't." She was going a lot deeper in than she wanted to go, but it was too late to stop. She felt like her heart was gushing open and the only way for it to stop was for it to bleed dry. "When I turned 16, I got transferred because I still wasn't normal enough. I heard rumors of the Order of the Cruciform Sword and I began preparing myself until Father Vincent found me and pulled me aside to ask that I join. That was when I first met the Sisters in the Cat's Cradle and had my first family."

Ava thought deeply for a moment. She didn't know how to say the next bit, so she just went for it. "That didn't sound very reckless. Being different isn't bad."

"It depends on what kind of different."

"No," Ava said firmly. She moved to place a hand on Bea's shoulder. "If you weren't hurting anyone, then it's okay. It's good because you're being who you are. Fuck your parents for sending you away. They were lucky to have you and you deserve better if they didn't see that."

Beatrice didn't know what to say, so she didn't say anything at all. She didn't hear anything else from Ava and decided that their conversation was over. Beatrice rolled over on her side to face to Halo bearer. She let a smile creep across her features before she closed her eyes and allowed herself to drift off to sleep. The thought of being okay as she was was something that felt strange to her, but comforting nonetheless. She let the thought follow her into her dreams.