Ganster's Squad

Chapter 53: Namjoon's pain.

Minho's patience was running low. It was the third night Namjoon got drunk. He was sitting at his usual table and glared at anyone who dared to cross paths with him. He knew it was his own way of dealing with Natasha's absence, but drinking himself to oblivion wasn't the right answer. She won't magically appear out of thin air. He asked a waitress to take his place behind the bar and walked to Namjoon. He sat next to him.

"Stop glaring at me, it doesn't look good on your face."

"What do you want?"

"A number of things. First, stop looking at me like you want to rip my head off."

Namjoon smirked. He remembered when Natasha kissed him and to say he was jealous was an understatement. "The thought crossed my mind."

Minho laughed. "When she kissed me? Man, that was just a peck. She wanted to get your attention."

"Isn't she your sister?"

"Her mother was my step mom, we're not blood related."

"Did you know?"

"No. I did found it particularly weird that she took care of me the way she did. I don't blame her for hiding it from me. I think she was just trying to protect herself and me at the same time."

"I blame her, even though I shouldn't." He was relieved to finally get it out of his chest.

"Why is that?" Minho asked interested in his answer. Working as a bartender he also had to act like a psychologist sometimes. Some people wanted someone to talk to, someone who wouldn't judge them. Like Namjoon, he seemed like he had a lot on his mind, perhaps he didn't want to confide in his friends to not worry them, or maybe he just needed someone to ask the right questions so he could find the answers himself.

Namjoon shrugged. "I guess I need someone to take the blame." That was true. It was easier to throw the blame around, rather than looking in the mirror. He swore to stick by her side after she got out of the hospital. He allowed her to push him away even more. It was his fault as it was hers.

"Do you really love her?"

Namjoon pondered for a few seconds before giving his answer. "Yes. I do. It took me a long tine to realize that." He lowered his gaze at his hands. He drank his drink in one shot. He welcomed the numbness that alcohol provided, even if the next day he would go back feeling like shit. But for a few hours, he didn't have to feel anything.

"Why didn't you fight for her?" It would have been easier if both came to term with their feelings.

"The only thing I could do was to tie her to my bed. We both know what that would've ended up. She would've killed me."

"True. Come on, I'll take you home." Minho got up to his feet and tried to take Namjoon with him.

"I'm not done." Namjoon hissed annoyed.

Minho rolled his eyes. "For fuck sake, it's not like she's gone forever. She'll come back."

"She went to look for her husband. What do you think will happen? They won't end up playing water polo." He said dryly, emptying another glass.

"Right, because Natasha is exactly that girl." Minho rolled his eyes.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"For as long as I've known her, except you, nobody else touched her. Don't you think if she was different she would have slept with every guy on a ten mile radius?"

Namjoon shrugged, he was still not convinced that she will return, especially not to him. "She slept with me. I think that's pretty easy."

Minho sighted. He wanted to punch him for what he said, he knew it was useless. Namjoon was hurt, he didn't truly believed what he said. "You deserve a punch in the face. I won't do that."

"You couldn't even if you tried." Namjoon shrugged. "You'd lose your arm faster than you'd blink."

Minho got up tired of trying to convince him to go home, so he called Jin. Even though Namjoon was the leader, Jin was the only one that could actually accomplish something in regards to him.

After what it seemed like an eternity, Jin entered the bar walking straight to Namjoon. "Upsie Daisy, we're going home." Jin said grabbing a hold of Namjoon's arm.

"Who died and made you boss?"

"Your neurons. Get up you drunk lazy ass." Jin forced Namjoon to stand up and helped him walk.

Namjoon wasn't in a position to argue, or to walk without actually tripping. When they finally got home, the others looked at Jin with inquisitory eyes.

Jin sighted, Namjoon looked like he would pass out any minute. "He got drunk again." Jin carried him to his room and pushed Namjoon on the bed. He fell asleep as soon as he hit the bed.

Hoseok shook his head in disbelief. He knew Natasha would bring pain to his brotherhood, even if something good came out of it, like his relationship with Becky and the rest. He wondered if it was fair for them to be happy when his best friend was in pain.

He was once in Namjoon's shoes, he knew how much it hurt to be heartbroken, not knowing when the pain will end. All you wanted to do was to numb the pain, the chain that was holding one's heart as hostage. Or the memories of her, creeping inside one's mind altering any sort of reality, transfixed on the idea of her being the only one who could bring both happiness and love.

No, there was no other pain more intolerable than heartbreak, it had no quick fix, there was no pill you could swallow to make you whole again. All you could do was sulk in your own misery until you learn how to deal with it.