Fucked Up Boyfriends || VMinKook

This Feeling..

Published: 9.1.20

~A/N~

Just a quick warning, the next few chapters or so will have Kookie angst, but it'll (hopefully) get resolved soon.

  Three weeks after I started hanging out with everyone at Moni hyung's place, I started noticing something.

In the time I'd come to know them all, I became more comfortable around them and everyday was really fun.

I became [extremely] attached to Swan hyung, Moni hyung, Suga hyung, and Taehyung.

I found myself becoming more excitable at the thought of hanging out with everyone.

But.. I also started getting this weird feeling in my chest.

It always happened whenever Taehyung clung onto Swan hyung.

I asked Suga hyung about it once and he said that I was just feeling jealous, but I doubted that.

I've felt jealousy before, but this was more.. intense.

It felt as if something was missing and my chest would hurt at the sight of Taehyung and Swan hyung together.

I spent weeks wondering what that feeling was and why I felt it so strongly.

It was at the end of the second month since meeting everyone that I finally realized what it was.

Taehyung was gone for the week with his family, so I went to Moni hyung's place by myself.

When I came in, Suga hyung was gone like he usually was, so there was only Moni hyung and Swan hyung.

They both had their backs facing me when I came in.

That's when I felt it, the familiar pang of jealousy.

Moni hyung was sitting in front of his laptop, but Swan hyung was leaning on him from behind, glancing over Moni hyung's head at the laptop screen.

At that moment, I realized exactly what I was feeling before.

I've learned early on that Swan hyung is a very affectionate person, but he was mostly subtle about it towards newer people like me.

The feeling of jealousy at the scene in front of me was because of the same reason I felt jealous towards anyone Taehyung was close to.

I like Swan hyung.

Even though I've never seen him without his face mask, or even know his real name, Swan hyung is always helping others and putting them first.

He seems to understand things about a person before they even realize it.

Including myself.

I always feel like he can see right through me, like he knows things that he shouldn't.

Because of that, I've been finding myself following close to him whenever we hang out, whether it was at Moni hyung's or not.

I also became a bit more protective over him.

Whenever we walked to or from the cafe, I always found myself standing between Taehyung and Swan hyung, sometimes holding onto their hands, as if something was gonna pop out at us.

Neither of them seemed to mind it and they hadn't questioned it either.

In fact, Taehyung seemed happy about it and started reaching for my hand whenever we walked together.

I couldn't tell how Swan hyung felt about it, but he seemed relaxed whenever I grabbed his hand.

He even seemed to wait for it whenever we went out.

I was ecstatic about their responses and I started doing it out of habit instead of just as a sort of caution.

Back to the main point, the intense feeling in my chest whenever Taehyung and Swan hyung were together was because..

I'm in love with both of them, and I know it, but I also know that there's still the possibility of both of them leaving me for each other.

Call me pessimistic, but I call it as it is.

There's always a chance that neither of them would like me the way I do towards them.

It's the reason why I'm always happiest when they seem to like my advances, even if I didn't mean to do it. It's also why I try to savour the feeling of being with them.

Finding out what the intense feeling of pain in my chest was had me thinking so much about everything that I became more distracted at school.

I didn't even realize it until my report card came into the mail and I found my dad waiting for me in the living room.

Usually I would go straight to the cafe or Moni hyung's place after school, but today I got a message from my dad telling me we needed to talk.

I was nervous for the rest of the school day and texted Taehyung and Swan hyung that I couldn't hang out after school.

When the final bell rang, I was out of my seat and walking to my house alone, where I was sure to meet my doom.

763 Words (Not Including A/N)