That Kind Of Love

Part 27

ARNAV RAIZADA

I wasn't really sure if I had made the right decision, I had given myself so many chances in life yet I always ended up hurting people. I mean why wouldn't I do it again with Khushi? I did it with mom and I did it with Saakshi too.

I just dint know how to handle this things, it was difficult for me, watching the person I loved and cared about leave was the hardest thing for me, I knew if I'd see them leave me, that memory was going to be stuck in my mind forever and it would keep haunting me every day.

I might have seemed strong and careless from the outside but deep down, I was a very soft person, I got scared even when people would argue, I was always too paranoid about everything, that's why when mom told me about what had happened to her, I couldn't handle it.

There was this fear inside me, that I was never going to be okay without her. The same happened with Saakshi, I just never managed to gather enough courage to go visit her, it was heartbreaking, I dint know what I would do if I saw her in that state.

I know I was selfish, I had always been selfish, but the problem was that, things like this affected me so easily and then I was always left with them haunting me for the rest of my life. I wouldn't say what I did with mom and Saakshi was right, it was selfish but it was right for me.

I wish I could explain it in a better way, I'd get anxiety whenever I'd see someone hurt, now seeing someone I love in a state that we weren't even sure if they were going to live or die was the worst of it all, and I had never been strong enough to face it, that's why every time I was in a situation like that, I found an escape.

I didn't want to run away from Khushi though, but I was scared, I had a vulnerable part of me, and when it came out, I became a coward.

But it had been tough without her, I loved her so much I just couldn't imagine a life without her, and I dint know what I was going to do about my vulnerability. How was I going to make sure that I always stayed by her side, even when things got bad, even when I wanted to run away? Was I going to be able to do it?

I stared at the workers blankly as they set up the perfect date outside the mansion in our garden, I wanted to make this the best date for her, but I also wanted to make sure that this worked, because I really wanted it to work, but I dint want to hurt her at the same time.

I know we had decided to talk about things, and maybe it was time for me to tell her why I was so hesitant to date her at the first place. I had to tell her how I had left my mom and how I left Saakshi, I had to tell her why I did that and maybe she was going to understand me, and even if she dint, maybe she knew how to help me.

"What's going on?" Jiya asked as she walked towards me, and settled down beside me on the bench.

"Just setting up a date." I replied.

"For who?"

"Khushi." I replied. She looked at me in shock for a moment but dint say a word, she just seemed so mad about it, I knew why she was mad, she knew me too well to know that I was never meant to be with people because at the end of the day, I always abandoned them.

"You said you loved her." Jiya said angrily.

"That's why I am planning a date for her." I shrugged.

"No. You are planning a trap for her! We don't do that to the people we love Arnav. We don't abandon them and you will do exactly that to her." She shouted at me.

"How are you so sure Jiya. I haven't abandoned you yet, maybe I won't abandon her either."

"Because I haven't been sick. Once something happens to me, you'll get scared and run away, you always do that, run away when things get tough. I would understand you though, because I am your sister, because I know this is who you are but Khushi doesn't deserve that, and you know it well."

"I am sorry okay. I tried, I tried everything that I could but I am in love with her and I just can't be without her. She said that we would talk about this, she will help me make us work, so why cant you be like her, why cant you think that maybe it would actually work and that I wouldn't abandon her like I've been doing with everyone in the past?" I asked.

"Do you believe that yourself first?"

"I don't know. I don't know anything Jiya, all I know is that I love her, and I am willing to do everything it takes for us to be together and be happy.

"I am not your enemy bro, you know I want the same for you, to be happy too. But then you get close to people and the abandon them and then you're left with the guilt forever, I don't want that for you and I don't want anything bad for Khushi either."

"So what do I do? Just let her go? Despite knowing that I just can't be without her? She feels for me too Jiya, and I just really want this okay? Maybe I'll find help, I'll stop being the coward I have always been, I'll stop being too scared to lose the people I love. All I know right now is that I want to be with her, and I'll make sure I stay with her, no matter what happens."

"It's your decision to make bro, but just know what's at stake here. If you do the same things you did with mom and Saakshi, with Khushi, you will never be able to forgive yourself." She looked at me sadly.

"I know Jiya..." I nodded as I grabbed her arm and pulled her closer, I hugged her tight. I just want to stop being like this for once, I really wish I was going to be able to change for good.

*****

I dint want to ruin our first date by thinking about everything else, so I decided to brush off all the thoughts for now. Right now, I just wanted to be excited and happy, I wanted to get ready and look good for her, I wanted to make it the best date she'd ever had.

I wondered how she was going to dress up and I couldn't stop imagining how gorgeous she was going to look, I mean since the first day I laid my eyes on her, I might have pretended to ignore her, but her beauty had really caught my eyes.

And since then I have been having this battle with myself, trying to do everything to keep her away yet I couldn't t just seem to be able to stay away from her.

I stood Infront of the mirror adjusting my suit, it was really just a date at home but I wanted to look perfect for her.

I grabbed my phone just to check whether she had texted or not yet, I talked to her earlier today and informed her that I would pick her up so she had to text me when she was ready so I'd go pick her up.

I mean of course she had a car and I just had to tell her to come but I felt like it would be better if I'd go pick her up myself, it would add a different touch to the entire date.

I grabbed my shoes as I sat down and started putting them on when my phone beeped, I looked at the screen and I saw a text message from Khushi saying she was ready.

I put on my shoes quickly and rushed downstairs, I don't know why but for some reason I was feeling really nervous about this whole date with her.

I mean all this times we've just argued, talked to each other rudely, I said some terrible stuff to her... it's just that a lot happened between us and I dint really want for things to be awkward.

Also Jiya's words kept on repeating in my mind and I was already second guessing myself. Had I really made the right choice? What if I ended up making the same mistakes again?

I just somehow convinced myself that I was going to change, I was going to be a better person, I was going to learn from the mistakes I had made in the past and I wasn't going to repeat them, not with Khushi at least.

It was after long that something good had happened to me and I dint want to lose it. I got into my car and drove to her place immediately, it dint take me much long as there wasn't a lot of traffic today. Once I arrived at her place, I parked back car and walked to the door.

I stood out there as I rang the doorbell and waited for her to come, I couldn't wait to see her, I was holding my breath.

A few moments later, the door opened up and there she was, standing in front of me dressed in a beautiful navy-blue dress, it had a beautiful detailed shoulder, it was floor length and it had a slit from her thighs to the floor, it kind of matched the color of my suit. How we ended up matching without even knowing what the other person was going to wear.

She looked freaking gorgeous. I stood there with my eyes wide open staring at her like she was a piece of cake. She was kind of blushing at the way I was staring at her.