When it rains I would hide my pain Pain that makes my efforts in vain Pain that made my life insane Pain that doesn't want me to gain
When it rains I would hide my fears Fears that I'll never cheer Fears that I'll never hear The song of such sweet, sweet dear
When it rains I'd hide my doubts Doubts that I'll ever change my fate Doubts that I'll never had to hate Doubts that I'll never had to wait
When it rains I'd hide my hopes Hopes that are false Hopes that are full of holes Hopes that upset all the souls
When it rains I'd hide my mistakes Mistakes that I did for love's sake Mistakes that made real things fake Mistakes that put my life at stake
When it rains I'd hide everything Everything that I'd put on a sling And farther away I would fling Then all my deeds will be zeroed to nothing
When it rains I'd like to let you know That I'd like to let them show But I'd never had to promise a vow And reveal my fatal flaw
When it rains I'd like to cherish you, it's true But I cannot simply view A fate as harsh as I still do That'll put us in danger, me and you
I wish it would rain As much to wash my pain As much to wash the stain In my heart, that has been lain To, somehow, ease my vein
I know it's hopeless I know it's senseless I know it's foolishness But all I can do is to hope at its best And to hope more until forever ends
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I wrote this poem around 2014 (yes, you can guess my age from that) and I remember feeling triumphant about the fact that I just wrote a five-stanza-per-verse poem and that the whole process took the same amount of time as writing a four-stanza-per-verse poem. (I mean, just add one line to everything, right? It shouldn't take that long.)
I remember showing this to my first writing friend and they were blown away by the poem (as I like to tell myself). Then she asked me what I meant.
I don't know.
Even after all these years (6 years, to be exact), going back to it made me question what my fourteen-year-old self meant by the whole poem. I don't know. I mean, half the stuff I do back in 2014, I don't remember now. So yeah.
However, I'll try to give meaning to it now that I'm looking at it from a fresher perspective.
It's about hiding your feelings/emotions in fear that you will be persecuted because of it. The "rain" there signifies the pressures of life that force the narrator to hide their emotions. By the end of the poem, the narrator "wished" for the rain to come because, at this point, the narrator had become so used to hiding their emotions that it became terrifying to let them out. They retreated into their shell and just wished that they can keep hiding their emotions forever. In which case will not be possible.
How about you? What does this poem mean to you? Don't hesitate to comment your own interpretation. I enjoy it when people puzzle over it and I'm just standing there, amused at how their brains work. So yeah. Go wild! :)
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