Various Poems

speak now

Bonus composition

This is the 'Kabataan sa Kartilya ng Katipunan' (KKK) Short Story Making Contest 5th Runner Up out of 36+ Entries.

"Are you ready for it?" My lips are glossed with red liptint and so are my cheeks. I gazed at everyone at the backstage, as my mom asked if I could handle the tension. I only gave her a heartwarming smile and held her hand, she was shocked that I didn't quiver. "I'm fine, let's blow this popsicle stand!" And everyone in the room shouted my name with a winsome roar. At the beginning, I had second thoughts but my mind was settled. I stepped out on the stage with confidence and absolute bliss, enjoying every moment of my life. My life starts here, especially that I've overcome my stage fright.

Every inspiring story starts with a troubled protagonist, and I am the perfect paragon. "Apollo! Apollo! Apollo! Oh my Apollo!" Meredith howled my name in such confidence that I feel the opposite way. My name is Apollo Claire Roman, and don't be bewildered because my parents liked poetry so much that I am named after the Greek God of Poetry, Apollo. And Claire comes from my grandmother's name, she was a famous poet when she was still alive and the blood of writers and poets goes through my veins. My family is absolutely awkward and average, my mother is a journalist and my father is a songwriter. Their names are Athena Clarisse Roman and Zeus Roman, both of them are known when it comes to public speaking. But I'm no orator or lecturer, I just write spoken word poetry and let other people read it in public.

Meredith's howls means that I got picked for the spoken word poetry contest in our school. I suffer in stage fright and can only speak publicly in front of a maximum of 50 people. I was forced to compete because no one would take our confined classmate place, she was in a car accident and only me and her have memorized the piece. It's the day before the competition, and my adviser panicked who would take the place and so am I. I was about to rush into the faculty room when Meredith stopped me in an instance. "Don't be mad but I agree with them." I only looked at her with a troubled look. "And also please don't be mad that I called you Apollo." I had nothing to do but to leave and head home while Meredith is still tailing me like a hopeless pet.

As I reached the house, I immediately went to my room. I always had a fear of embarrassment when creating mistakes in public and being laughed at, and reading my poem out loud with overwhelming emotions gives me the chills. As expected, Meredith explained to my parents what happened but they have the same answer, that "Maybe you should face your fears". Mom knocked on the door and let herself in, she sat next to me in the bed and held my hand firm but soft. "Honey, this is a start." And she looked at me with a genuine smile. "I believe in you, I always do" And she kissed me in the forehead. And a simple kiss gave me hope and light, I practiced all night long, I never had a problem memorizing the lines but my concern is how to interpret it with full burst of emotions at stage.

The next day was chaotic, I feel dizzy and nauseous, my lips are dry, I can't speak the words correctly, my body is full of sweat, my nerves are trembling and my heart is beating rapidly. I guess this is normal for a first timer, but it feels different, it's so uncomfortable and extreme. I walked awkwardly on stage but as soon as I held the microphone, all went blurry, I can't focus directly but all I can see is the people far away in the crowd, whispering, gossiping and laughing. As I looked at my hand, my vision is still blurry and the uneasy feeling, I had before I stepped on stage doubled. The anxiety makes my head feel so much pain, my hands are cold as ice and my legs are trembling swiftly. In my long range vision, I can see Meredith waving hands at me with a encouraging smile. But none of that helped me to get myself together, and utter a single word, the butterflies in my stomach became dragons causing havoc, breathing excruciating flames all over the place. And in that moment I knew I was doomed, I had a heart attack and fell unconscious on the ground, everyone panicked to help my nearly lifeless body on stage.

As I woke up, I already knew that I'm on the hospital, the atmosphere, the ambience, and my Mom and Dad crying beside me. As I moved my hand, my parents immediately gave me a hug, tired eyes and black circles already gave me the idea that they haven't slept. "Honey I'm so happy your alive, I'm so sorry if I forced you" My Mom apologized but I only gave her a smile. "I'm fine, don't worry about me. What happened actually?" Despite the glee of waking up, I'm still confused on why I ended up on a hospital bed. "You experienced sinus tachycardia," Mom said with worried eyes. "When you feel extreme fear, anxiety and stress. Your heart beats more than 100 times per minute, that's why you became unconscious." Both of them looked at each other nervously. "And your stage fright, triggered that condition" Dad said while holding my hands and with a pleasing smile.

After that incident, I went to therapy and visit our local Psychologist regularly, well she helped me to pinpoint the cause of my stage fright and suggest things to overcome it. While the doctor did the same with my sinus tachycardia, he helped me change my lifestyle to ease stress. As months pass by, improvements started to be visible. I can speak confidently with my classmates now and my sinus tachycardia is treated. Even though I can't speak to a larger crowd, my Psychologist is doing great in treating my stage fright. She insist that I should take every step of the way slowly, and not force myself in doing things to overcome a certain fear. Because of therapy and my own self-confidence and determination, I can speak clearly to a larger crowd and I am participating a huge competition in spoken word poetry.

I realize it now that in order to find true happiness, you have to face something that keeps on holding you back. Like a fear or a restriction, that keeps on haunting you until you find out how to overcome it. For me it's a blessing in disguise, because of that fear, I totally understand myself now. Why was I afraid? Why was I pushing myself back? And everytime I think of it, the only answer I could ever think of is this, because it's life. Life makes you stronger, bolder and braver, and now I realized that the bliss of going out of from your comfort zone is one of life's challenges and we should embrace every challenge with vibrant solutions and vivid colors.

And now as I face the crowd, the awful feeling and anxiety are now gone. Comfort and ease embraced me entirely, like sleeping with my favorite pajamas, in a winter night, gazing the beautiful night light and realizing that everything will be alright. The spotlight turned to me as I hold the microphone confidently. The once shaky hands are gone now. The once stuttering mouth is speaking clear and meaningful words now. The once trembling nerves and rapid heartbeats are confidence, determination, happiness and passion now. The once nauseous head is filled with colorful ideas now, and the once blurry eyes can see the bright future now. And the always shy and bashful girl can speak now.