Surrendered

Chapter Four : Memories

Chapter Four

"I can feel your unease, you won't be doing any combat training just yet." His mask breathed.

"Why do I need training? I thought I was going to just be married and be part of the order?" I asked. "Can you please remove the mask?"

"It amuses me that you really don't know" He replied, I could hear that this amused him behind the monster's mask, his mask whirled as he removed it and he threw it down.

"Know what?" It really frustrated me how everyone in the First Order seemed to enjoy speaking in riddles.

"You're a force user, and it seems a powerful one at that." He explained. "I can feel it in you, you can feel other emotions and that's without training. With it you could be incredibly powerful, and we can finally bring order to the galaxy."

"Can't everyone do that?" I asked, surely, I couldn't have a special skill I was so ordinary.

"Don't be stupid, it's a gift and we need to exploit it." Ren said sharply. "Close your eyes."

I hesitated, I really didn't trust this monster and I didn't want my eyes closed and guard fully down in front of him.

"Now, or I'll make you" He ordered firmly, and I shut my eyes knowing that I really didn't have a choice.

My head started to pound, it alarmed me it was if someone was pushing down on my brain inside of my skull. Memories were flying around of my past, I could see the faces of my parents, sisters, my planet, my home. Tears streamed down my face as I was forced to relive the worst moments of my life.

"Please stop" I begged; my hands were starting to shake as I tried to force myself out of the visions.

"There were signs of your abilities." Ren said. "But why did the force hide you? Snoke and I could only feel you when you were close"

More memories started to fly around they slowly got darker and darker, he was finding the worst moments of my life and dragging them up to the surface. Until he uncovered the worst one, I'd not thought about this in years. 

I was stood in a hospital room where my mother lay surrounded by tubes, tears streamed down my face.

"Please...stop" I sobbed not wanting to remember anymore.

But the memory continued as I walked closer to her bed where I took her hand and said goodbye to her for the last time. Even as she lay dying, she was so beautiful, how could she be dying? She looked perfect, untouched. It hurt so much as I stroked her hand  and kissed it before I said goodbye again and forced myself to leave her side.

"You blame yourself for her death." Ren's voice disturbed the memory. "Why?"

I shook my head not wanting to relive that dreadful time.

"You can either tell me or I'll force it out of you." He growled.

I turned my head and kept my eyes tightly shut, I refused to tell him anything. I'd not discussed my mother's death with anyone and I wasn't about to start with this psychopath.

"Fine" He sighed exasperated, and I felt him deeper into my head shifting through my memories.

He found his answer as he watched the day of the accident. As usual I was being too clumsy as I played dangerously close to the edge of my parent's balcony. My mother had just told me to be careful, but I'd ignored her. I slipped and almost fell before I felt mother pull me back. But in her rush, she lost her balance and toppled over. I watched as my she flew to the ground, ten stories down and there was a sickening crunch as she landed.

"So you killed your mother." He sneered.

I screamed and imagined throwing him out of my mind, how dare he force me to relive that horrific time. He was a monster and he wasn't welcome in my head anymore. But I forced him out too far and suddenly there were memories that were not my own. I watched as a young black haired boy with big ears struggled with a light sabre, and his skill growing as he got older. He had been trained by a shandy haired man with a large beard. His childhood had not been perfect he had two parents that were very busy and always seemed to be angry with each other. At night he longed for a sibling, to have some company to not be so alone anymore.

"Stop" Ren ordered.

"Such a sad, lonely little boy. Is that why you are so hateful? Because you were never loved enough, always trying to please. Your parents, your Uncle but you failed them all." I sneered.

The words were leaving my mouth, and I wasn't aware that I was making them. It was almost as if something had overtaken me, and it was delivering these words for me.

"Out." Ren ordered raising a hand in an attempt to choke me, but somehow I stopped it. My eyes were still sealed tightly shut, and I forced my way further into his mind. His memories moved to a temple of other young trainees, and suddenly the walls collapsed all around me. A darkness filled the air and Snokes control took hold.

My eyes flew open and they burned as I adjusted to the sudden bright light.

"All of your life you have been controlled, you've never been your own man" I smiled wickedly.

"Stay. Out. Of. My. Head" Ren breathed heavily.

"Then stay out of mine." I shouted, this enraged him he reached for his light sabre and ignited it. He towered over me menacingly.

"Never use the force on me." He snarled.

"I'm not scared of you." I growled back.

"You should be." He shouted as he pulled back the sabre and struck my side with it. 

I screamed in pain as the sabre burnt my skin and my gown flooded with wet. I reached down and it was blood, Ren then used the hilt repeatedly hitting my face until everything went black.