LASTLY, MY FIRST

Part 28 | Why?

JENNIE

Ugh. My head hurts. I want to vomit now but I have a client at the moment.

Kai wants me to stop from being a stripper. But I told him I cannot give this up because I am earning a lot from this job. We usually fight since we became officially together because of my job and some petty reasons sometimes.

You might be wondering why I accepted his proposal to be my boyfriend? Well, as we have all known, Kai was the one who save Eli when he was two. He's actually a good man, but he is immature sometimes. He's courting me for like a year, so why not?

And why not Lisa? I don't want to be with her and just remember everything that happened in the past. I don't want to suffer anymore. I mean, I have forgiven her already, but I can't deny the fact that I am always bothered of the thought that she used to leave me and did not believe I am pregnant with her child.

I am scared. I am so fucking scared that it might happen again.
Maybe being with Kai can make me forget the pain I had in the past. Maybe with him, my feelings for her might vanish. So, here, I gave it a try.

He's a good man, he's charming and he loves Eli too.

One day, I came to the hospital to surprise him because it's been a month that we became official. I cooked for lunch and we ate together at his office. After we ate, I was surprise when he pulled me closer to him and squeezed my butt. He kissed me hard like a hungry kid and tried to pull my tshirt up. But I stopped him and backed off. I think I am not ready yet to do it with him. I  don't know why. It felt strange. It felt not so good. I mean, yeah, I just had sex with Lisa for like a month ago and I liked it, but this one... I don't know. Maybe I am just not ready yet.

He got mad. So mad that he didn't accept the operation he's supposed to conduct this afternoon. We argued about it for like three fucking hours. I wooed him but he's too hard. I didn't stop until I thought of asking him to have dinner on his favorite restaurant that I don't like. So, there, his mood shifted into a good one.

I have been searching for my phone in my bag to check what time it is, but I couldn't find it. I looked at his watch and it's fucking 630pm already.

Oh shit! I forgot to pick Elijah. Shit Shit Shit! How come you forgot about your own son, Jennie? You're too stupid to miss that. You're supposed to pick him up at 430pm!

Kai and I immediately went to the school to pick him up but it's closed already. I hate it because Kai has no Aunt Dara and Seulgi's numbers so I can ask them if they left home already and maybe someone from school has the heart to bring my Eli home.

We just decided to go home straight. When we're about to park. I saw Lisa kissing Eli on the forehead as he entered the car. She then placed Eli's bag in the compartment. But wait, where is she bringing my son? Is she the one who picked up Eli from school? But how come? I didn't include her as one of the contact persons yet for our son.

We argued because I don't want her to bring Eli somewhere else. But she threw me some words that made me so guilty. I know Lisa is so angry already because of what I did. But she remained calm. But her words are really nerve wrecking. She said she can use her family's power to take my son away from me because of being irresponsible. Have you forgotten she's the President's daughter and soon to be the President's sister?

I saw in her eyes that she was scared that Eli was outside the house for two hours alone. Shit Jennie. What did you do? What if something bad happened to your son. You know you will never forgive yourself.  Should I blame Kai for that petty argument earlier? Should I blame myself for losing my phone? Or should I just blame myself for being too romantic in this relationship with Kai that I forgot about my son just like that? Stupid!

After Lisa and Eli left, I took my keys and went straight to the house. Eli really stayed outside since the door is locked. I am really disappointed of myself. I didn't let Kai come in. I banged the door and locked it and went straight to my room. Jesus. My phone is on the bed with thirty six missed calls and eleven messages from the school and Lisa.

I dropped myself in bed and cried.

I was not able to cry earlier because my heart kept trembling from the fact that Lisa can do anything in her family's power to take my son away from me and she can do anything, and even have me terminated from work just to have full custody of Elijah. If that happens, she has all the authority.

Sometimes, don't be to complacent, Jennie. Lisa was right, this is our son we're talking about.

It's almost 830pm and Lisa and Eli are not yet home. So I decided to call her. She answered immediately.

"Hello."

"Hi Lis. May I know what time are you bringing Elijah home?" I asked in shy tone. Because god.

"Hmmm. Jennie, we're at the mall now. We just had our dinner and I let him play some arcade games. But don't worry, I am supervising him. Can I ask if will you allow Elijah stay with me at home tonight? I'll just buy him socks and underwear here later and wash his uniform when we arrive home." She said.

"Okay, Lis. You can have him tonight." I answered but I am still crying.

"I can have him only for me forever Jennie if you continue to miss your time for our son." She said.

"Lis, I am sorry. I am really sorry." It's obvious already that I am crying on the line.

"Hey. I was kidding. I will never take him away from you. Don't cry." She said.

"I am sorry again." I apologized. Her voice just made my rumbling heart calm.

"It's okay Jennie. Just don't let it happen next time. I also had my flaws as a parent in the past. But we must focus how to become better for him from now on. And please tell that boyfriend of yours not to butt in whenever we talk about our son or he'll see angels he had never seen before. I can block all the hospitals if  I want to, so both of you will never have a happy ending." Lisa said in a nice way but later on chuckled when she talked about Kai.

"Yes. I promise, he will never get in the way."  I said and I laughed too.

"Bye Jennie. Our son is already pulling my shirt to grab some ice cream. Aaaah! This little guy of ours really got his appetite from his mother. But I am happy that he is eating a lot. I enjoy seeing him eating everything he wants." She said happily.

"Excuse me? Hahahaha. Make sure to make him drink lots of water right after okay?" I said. I was actually  laughing when she reminded me how I eat.

"Yes, Madam! Bye Jen. Take care okay?" She said.

"Take care." I dropped the call and took a deep breath.