LASTLY, MY FIRST

Part 30 | News And News

JENNIE

Lis and Elijah left SoKor last night. We had a few video calls. Lisa promised to update me of their whereabouts. I already miss my son. I should have taken Lisa's invitation for me to come with them, but I can't since I have prior bookings at work and Kai didn't allow me. I don't know why I am so emotional lately. Like I don't want to talk to people even to Kai. I don't even want to see his face.

On their first day in Paris, Lisa sent me Elijah's photo in Disneyland Paris. I am happy to see my son having fun. Lisa told me that Eli is so active but she controls his actions. You know, our son has a heart problem. Lisa also asked my permission if she can bring Elijah on her conference in the US next month, so she can also have him checked by a "real" heart specialist to ensure our son's health. If I know, just because Kai is the Doctor, you don't trust his process anymore. But I didn't argue with her, Elijah is her son too.

They have been away for a week now and still have to stay  for another five days for Lisa's digital architectural blueprints for hotels and government projects in France.

I was waiting for their call because I miss my son so much. I scrolled some posts on facebook while waiting for her call to pop up.

"Is model Suzy Bae dating Lalisa Manoban?"

"What a pair we've got here."

"Lisa and Suzy with a young boy on the streets of Paris."

"Is this Love in the City of Love?"

"Suzy clings to Lisa while carrying his son with her first love."

First love my ass.

And their stolen photos inside the restaurant, streets, shops, parks and museums scattered all over my phone. Jesus. Why am I feeling this? Or should I ask myself what am I feeling right now? I felt dizzy. I feel like I'm having a heartburn. Why am I having a chest pain? Ughhhhh!!!!

"Seulgi, why didn't you buy me a milk ice cream and cheesecake??!!!" I displaced my annoyance to Seulgi.

My annoyance was interrupted when Rosé, Jimin, Jisoo and Chanyeol started a group video call in our chat. Well, Lisa is not part of our group chat cause we created this like 3 years ago.

They asked me about Lisa and Suzy as expected. I pretended not to be affected. Affected? So you're affected? I didn't stay long on the conversation as I told them I am waiting for Lisa's call.

After a few minutes, my screen rang. Lisa.

L: Hello, Jen!

J: Yeah. How's my son?

My voice is so weak.

L: He's fine. He's asleep. Sorry. I can't wake him up now. It's already 9pm here.

She pointed the camera to Elijah.

L: You look so pale. Have you eaten? Are you okay?

She asked me and I just closed my eyes and laid my head on the couch.

J: I just feel bad that Seulgi forgot to buy my milk ice cream and cheesecake. I have been craving for it like fucking everyday.

L: Oh. Poor kid. I will buy you lots of milk ice cream and cheesecake when I arrive. Wait. Why should I buy you those when you got Doc? What's up, Doc?

She teased me and it got me so irritated.

J: I don't want to see him.

L: Did you two fight? If so, sorry for that.

J: No. I just don't want to see his face lately.

L: Okay.

I remembered those photos I saw on social media a while ago.

J: Why are people like saying my Eli is Suzy's son? He's my son, Lisa!

Her eyes widened.

L: Huh?

J: Haven't you seen the celebrity news?

She shook her head.

L: Wait, let me check.

She's scrolling her phone. At first she was curious of those headlines but later on she laughed.

J: What's funny?

L: To my understanding, they're referring us as a couple and not Elijah as Suzy's son. He is our son, Jen. No one else's. Tell me if I'm wrong.

I stood up and released a deep breathe.

L: Are you okay, Jen?

J: No. I'm not. I want you two to come back here already.

L: Hmmmmm. Is someone Jealous?

I smirked. Why the hell would I be jea--?

J: What?

L: Suzy and I are just good friends, professional partners at work. You know.

J: Partners.

L: Jennie?

J: Nothing. Just come back here please?

L: Soon, my ex-girlfriend. I promise to bring you the most delicious milk ice cream in Seoul and cheesecake here in France once I get back.

She told me and winked.

What was that, Jennie? 
Are you being selfish?
Do you miss not only your son but also her?
Why do you hate Kai lately?
What were you feeling seeing the news and photos?
What's inside your heart when you saw that Suzy and Lisa have chemistry?
Will you have a formula for whatever you are feeling right now?

Breathe in. Breathe out.
Assess your heart, girl.

You are jealous. You miss her.

I went to my room and looked at myself in the mirror. I don't know why I gained weight. Just a little. But still I gained weight. Am I eating too much? Why am I too conscious? My jeans are not even that comfortable to wear lately.

Then I remembered Suzy.