𝗪𝗵𝗲𝗻 𝗜 𝗦𝗮𝘄 𝗬𝗼𝘂 𝗪𝗶𝘁𝗵 𝗛𝗲𝗿

Part 5 (Gons POV)

Gons POV:
Once killua left, the doctor did a few more tests and gave me some medicine and he left me for the night.

And then I sat there, for a long time thinking about things. Killua, my life.. why im still here..

He only likes you out of pity!

I scrunch my face up a ash's shut my eyes tightly, don't cry.. don't cry.. you know it's not true.. so don't be more useless than you already are..

Oh but you know it's true

I relax my face and open my eyes. I feel tears start to flow down my face as I stare at the flowers killua got me. I don't deserve him.. he deserves better. my whole body hurts and feels numb from these casts.. I just want to die. How did I even live?! Did I land in water? Maybe a fountain? Maybe I landed in grass to soften my fall?? HOW DID I LIVE?!

I crunch the sheets below me as I try to calm my crying. I can't keep living like this.. my breathing gets heavy and my eyes are blurry from tears. I quietly sob as not to disturb anyone else, and not wanting a doctor to come in.

After a while my eyes start to get heavy and I'm able to finally rest them and go to sleep.

Time skip to morning

I wake up, but I don't open my eyes as I feel something rubbing my cheek, it was comforting.. it felt nice. I slowly open my eyes to see Killua smiling down at me. "Good morning Gon." He says bringing his hand down to his lap. "How are you feeling?" I shrug, "ok.. my neck hurts.. a lot." I say looking around. "What time is it?" "12:26 it's lunch time, I could go get you something?" He asks. I open my mouth and choke on my words.

Then my eyes start to get watery. "Gon?!" He asks worriedly jumping out of his chair and next to the bed. Tears start to roll down my cheek and I clench my tear and shut my eyes. "I-it's nothing..." I say hesitantly. He takes my hand. "What's wrong..? Did I say something?" "F-food.." I tug my hand away and cover my mouth. Feeling as if I'm about to throw up. "Food?? What's wrong with it-" as he says that the door opens and a doctor walks in.

"He's been on a feeding tube for 2 weeks. When we got him, he was extremely skinny. So skinny we could see his ribs. We ran some tests and it showed that he wasn't eating, going days.. weeks without food. Basically living on water. And rarely a bite of an apple or some kind of fruit, just to last. And of course while he was unconscious, he couldn't eat, so we put him on a feeding tube. And for now he has to work up to eating bigger amounts of food. He will start of with softer foods, such a soups. Nothing solid yet. He had to get used to eating for now, we don't know when he starting off like this. But we do know it went on for at least 6 months to a year."

The doctor finishes and sits down in the chair next to a desk. I close my eyes ashamed of what he just said. What will killua think of me now.. disgusted.. disappointed.. maybe worse.. will he leave? Leave like Ging? I open my eyes and turn my head slowly to look at killua. This is what he looked like..

"K-kil-killua.." I stutter. "G-Gon.. wh-why.." he chokes out. "W-why didn't y-you.." "why didn't you say something..?" He says and looks back up at me. "I-I.." I look into his eyes. "I-I'm sorry.. k-killua.." I stop myself. "Don't put to much stress on him Mr. Zoldyck. He isn't in the right mindset right now. When he gets out, when he's better then we can ask those kinds of questions." The doctor speaks up. "I'm sorry." Killua says and stands up. "I have to go." Killua says and starts to walk out. "K-killua!" I yell sitting up. He opens the door and walks out. I put my hands on my mouth to cover my sobs. The doctor sighs.

"Tomorrow we are going to try to help you start eating again, ok?" He says and stands up. I nod slowly, he grabs some paper and walks out. I slowly bring my knees up to my stomach and hug them. "I-I'm s-so sorry k-killua.." I burry my head into my knees and cry softly. "I-I'm sorry.." I whisper.

I look over to the bed side on the desk to see the flowers in a vase with a brown bear next to it. I smile a little and reach over to grab it. I do and bring it close to my chest. It's soft.. I though and rest my head on it's fur.

"K-killua.."