𝗪𝗵𝗲𝗻 𝗜 𝗦𝗮𝘄 𝗬𝗼𝘂 𝗪𝗶𝘁𝗵 𝗛𝗲𝗿

Part 19 (Gons POV)

Gons POV:

Well that couldn't have gone any worse.. or better? I'm not really sure myself. One second I'm crying the next I'm not. I guess Killua really cares for me Huh.. I still have my doubts about him though.. it's not like I don't love him, no I love him more than I love myself, no it's just.. I don't want him to leave. I'm having so much fun, more than I have had in a long time. He always reassures me that he won't leave. But I still have a hard time believing it.. after a while he will get tired of having to deal with someone like me.. someone as bro(c)ken as me..

God I wish I could just make myself better. He's trying so hard.. and I love him so much for it.. I'm trying too.. I'm trying really hard.. but the voices keep coming back and pulling me right back down to where I started.

I feel so selfish.. Killua is running around trying to solve all my problems, and I'm just selfish. I wish he would just chill out.. like he's using all his energy to try and make me happy, and he isn't focused on making himself happy. Dealing with me probably isn't the happiest thing a person could go through.

I wouldn't want to deal with me, I don't know how Killua does it.. god love is so hard.. it's like sometimes you want things to go faster, but they go slower, and other times you want things to go slower, but they go faster! It's complicated.. I really want to be in a relationship with Killua.. but my mental state right now.. I don't know if I'm ready for something like that. If I get heart broken, I'll basically be an old bro(c)ken doll.

I'm scared, and confused, and nervous all at the same time and I don't know how to react.. I just hope Im going to get better.. I want a normal life again! I want to actually laugh, and smile.. and go outside without being tired of everything. I want to love, and lose without breaking. I want to be normal again..

"K-killua..?" I ask looking up at him. He doesn't look directly at me, since he has his eyes on the road, instead he replies by humming. "Hm?" Was all it was. "A-am I.. am I normal? Or.. will I ever be normal..?" I question. It was like he chokes on air, he coughed so hard. "What?" He asks making sure he heard me correct. "You heard what I asked.." I mumble. I can see that he is gripping the wheel so hard his knuckles are turning white.

I can hear him clearly breaking, calming himself down and his knuckles turn back to normal, "Yes of course Gon, why wouldn't you be normal?" He questions, restraining the anger in his voice. "W-well I was just.. you know.. normal people aren't like me.." I reply nervously laying my head down on the little coasters between us.

He sighs, but I then feel pressure on my head and I jump a little. But I soon identify that it was his hand just petting my head. "Gon, everyone in the world has felt how you have at one time in their life. I have, it was my whole life before I met you." He finishes. I just make a quiet o sound and just lean into the petting. He chuckles a little.

After about 5 minutes of silence he finally starts talking again; "Gon?" He asks. "Hm..?" He pulls his hand away and focuses it back on the road. "Do you want to go on a date with me?" He asks. My face turns red, I'm so glad he can't see my face right now.. it's probably as red as a tomato... "I-uh.. we-well.. " I stop to calm down, as he waits for my answer. "I-I.. I would like that.." I smile a little. I can basically hear his smile, "good, cause we should've been home 1 hour ago." He chuckles. I sit up "what?!" I yell frantically. He laughs nervously. "Heh.. I was going to ask you an hour ago.. but I got nervous.. so I just got 1 hour in and I finally got enough courage to ask."

I pout a little.. "but I was just assuming you would say yes, so I didn't think it would matter." He snickers. "Well it still would've been nice if you told me.." I mumble. He laughs "aw, now don't be like that kitten. The date haven't even started yet!" He exclaims. I blush at the nickname. "Shouldn't I be calling you kitten? You act a lot like a cat." I question. "Eh, it sounds bettert when it's directed towards you, your cute and cuddly like a cat." He answers proudly. "Am not!" I yell out flustered.

"Your cute when your flustered too, it's adorable." He laughs. I cover my face "St-stop.." I mumble. And his laughing dies down.

About 10 minutes later he finally talks again. "We're here!" I look up and out the car window, and I see.. "An arcade!" I exclaim. I haven't been to one of these since.. since me and killua were together a long time ago. "Well I was thinking it's been a long time since we have been here together, why not this be our first date." He smiles.

He stops the car and opens his door, stepping out and coming over to my door to open it for me. As soon as he does I jump on him, I start to feel happy tears stream down my face. "Woah, woah, don't cry! Are these happy or sad tears?" He asks laughing a little, but hugging me back. I sniff and burry my head in the crook of his neck, "H-happy.." I mumble giggling. "Good.. I'm glad you like it." He kisses my cheek. "And guess what?" He asks me. "What?" I ask looking back at him. "I rented it out for today, so it's ours." He smirks.

"NO WAY!" I yell excited. He nods and I grab his hand pulling us inside. When we get in I stop and cover my mouth. "THANK YOU! THIS IS SO COOL!!" I tackle him again. He laughs catching me. "You gotta stop with the surprise tackles, I mean I'll accept them, but one day we are both going to fall." He chuckles. "But thank you, I was really hoping you would like it. He pulls back to smile at me. I smile softly back.

"Cmon! Let's go play the games!" I tug him along. "Ok ok! I'm coming we have the whole day, so there isn't any rush!" He laughs.