Flow Of Memories (On-Going)

Simula

"They say a Ballerina dies twice - once when they stop dancing, and this first death is the more painful." -Martha Graham

Simula
 
 
Cerynna Gabrielle's POV

"Again, This is Cerynna Gabrielle Martin, signing off as your Ballet Principal Dancer." Pag-aanunsyo ko bago binaba ang mikropono. I'm inside a conference room right now. In front of me are the board of directors and tita Ivy the new CEO of my parent's company - the Stardust. Selected medias are also here to document and report my retirement.
 
 
 
Though it hurts, I don't have a choice but to accept that my dancing career ends here. I feel so empty right now... I want to cry pero walang lumalabas na luha. It seems like nalabas ko na lahat nitong mga nagdaang taon at kahit masakit, wala nang likidong mailalabas pa. I guess tears can't measure pain. The tears can go away while your heart is still feeling pain.

Last week was my parent's death anniversary. Isang taon na ang nakalipas pero hindi ko pa rin alam kung saan ako magsisimula at kung paano ako babangon muli. Announcing my retirement is like digging my own grave.

What hurts more is that grief lasts longer than sympathy. I am lying if I say that I'm not mourning anymore. There are times where I say I already move on from losing my parents but when I'm alone in the middle of the night where the rest of the world has gone to sleep, it haunts me. I'm missing them...

Ang mga nangyare ay tila kahapon lang. Hindi ko alam kung paano ko iyon nakayanan ng isang taon at hindi ko alam kung kakayanin ko pa sa susunod na mga taon. The thought and fact that my parents are no longer here, gave me so much pain.

"Miss Martin--

 
 
Hinabol ako ng media ngunit hindi na ulit ako nagsalita at lumingon pa. Kaliwa’t kanan ang pagfa-flash ng mga camera sa akin pero hindi ko binigyan iyon ng pansin. Ang gusto ko lang ngayon ay kaagad ng makalabas dito dahil baka may pumasok na naman na kahibangan sa isipan ko at bawiin ang mga katagang binitawan ko kanina kahit na alam kong impossible na.

I sighed.

This is it... In less than 48 hours, I will no longer be a dancer.

I smiled bitterly as I slowly walk and left the place full of happy memories. Ang lugar kung saan una akong nakilala... Ang lugar na saksi ng pagsisimula ko. From a little girl who can't stay on the beat to a lady who can gracefully do a flying leap.

I left the place with an excruciating pain in my heart because... I don't know if I could go back there ever again...