1001 Love Stories Darker

Goodbye (short)(28)

For Micheal and Micheal Alone

We were volatile. Filled with passion and fury.

We were overly emotional, aggressive and beautiful.

We fought we made up broke up until for a day only for one of us to return and with no words make up and fall back into that crazy dangerous love.

Yet It didn't matter. I loved him and I thought he loved me too.

Maybe he did. But now he loves you and to be honest. Im jealous of you. Im jealous of how happy you can make him.

How cute you too are.

I know its been two years and Im trying to be happy for him. Happy for the both of you. But im not.

It still hurts like hell.

I know that invite was the burning of the last bridge and I am happy that you didn't fuck up like i did and you actually have your happily ever after.

But it hurts and i cant watch you Marry the man I love more then anything. I cant smile in the last row of the wedding I was supposed to be in the front.

Or maybe I wasn't. That's why you're there and im here. Spilling my heart out in a letter to a guy I've never met.

A guy who i spent so much time hating and envying at the same time. But try to see.

He was the one who taught me to love. He opened parts of me that no one had and I still don't know how he did it and no one else seems to know how either. Leaving me longing for a feeling I don't think I'll have again.

I still Haven't come to grips that hes truly gone. That all we had gone. That all I wont ever be happy. That these scares wont heal and hes Ok.

Maybe in another life, Id be stronger and more mature. Maybe in another life he would have stayed and instead of writing this id be writing wedding vowels.

But as for now. Here, im still so pissed that you have my missing piece.

I've felt every minute of these two years and I've had to deal with all my best parts are gone.

My calm, my fun, my optimism, my imagination. My heart. Is gonna and marrying someone that has no idea what the lighthouse tattoo on his wrist means or that there's a sail boat somewhere unable to find it.

Or has he had it covered? I bet he has. Does he even think about me anymore? Does he ever wake up crying? Does he still read through two year old messages and look at two year old photos?

I do.

And everytime I do, I fall apart.

I wish I could just forget.

I wish i wasn't the only one not fine.

I wish that day he cried out for me I wasn't too suborn to go back to him.

I wish I could forget how it felt to be held by him. How it felt like he was afraid that even sleep would still me away. But what am i saying you know the feeling.

But this isn't a letter looking for sympathy or pity.

Its getting this off my chest and hopefully my mind.

Its a goodbye.

But you're probably wondering why im writing you and not him.

It because I've told him goodbye too many times to count. It will just fall to the pile and mean nothing.

Clearing the air with you and hopefully getting you to see that I shouldn't be in his life. I still love him and want him back. I wont settle of just friends and if hes anything like he was then. He'll pity me. Try to help and eventually I'll something stupid and hurt him.

So keep me out of his love.

Invite to Elliot and Micheal's wedding

For Ben

Will you be attending : No

If not please tell why: See note attached

We hope to see you
No you dont.