1001 Love Stories Darker

underwear pt.3

I woke up to darkness and I sigh realizing that I'm in hell.

Maybe because I was gay, maybe because I killed myself, maybe because I was an asshole, maybe all three.

But then there was a soft sound off beeping and I realize that no. I wasn't dead.

I was in a nice hospital room with the lights off.

The only light shinning from the fancy hospital equipment that beeped.

I sigh softly before turning over and facing the window. I can't even die right.

For a moment I felt numb.

Empty.

Then like a wave. I broke down.

I cried like a child.

I hated this. I hated being here being alone. I hated that everyone I loved left me and I couldn't even rid myself of that pain.

"Wade?" I instantly stop mid sob only to see a figure moving in the darkness.

I knew the voice and honestly I was too afraid to face him.

"Don't scare me like that asshole!" He screams before punching me in the arm.

"I'm sorry." I whisper and he only hugs my neck.

"Wade, I; you should have told me you were; things." He says and I realize he was at a loss of words so I took over.

"Matt don't leave me. We don't have to be together, we don't even have to like each other but please. I still need you." I say and he lays his head on mine.

"Wade." He says softly and I smile.

"I understand." I whisper and he pulls away.

"Even if you never want to see me again just know. I did love you."

"I get it!" He screams and I notice he had started to cry.

"I get it you love me. I love you too. But we can't. Not like this." He says and I only smile.

I didn't have the willpower to push.

I couldn't.

"Matthew, can I hold you." I ask and he just lowers his head.

"Sure." He whispers before climbing in the rather small hospital bed.

Then we just laid in bed together.

I took his hand in my bandaged one and just held him.

"When would you have stopped believe I was lying. You stopped after our wedding. But what if we had our first child. Would you believe me then?" I asks and he stays silent.

"A little boy. We would adopt him." I say and he closes his hand in mine.

"Or when we moved into our forever home. When we begin to paint the room to our nursery because we wanted a baby. When we sent our first kid off to school for the first time. Or watched him graduate. Would it be at our ten year anniversary when we renewed our vowels?" I say and he just remains silent.

"Or when we laid on the couch in our forties with am empty nest and I took your hand and I whispered to you softly. I love you. Would you believe me?"

"Or would it take me. Lying on my death bed fighting the urge to die and saying it. Would you finally get the picture then?" I ask and he only turns to me.

"Yeah. That was it." He says and I only hug him tighter scared of letting go.

"At that moment I realized that. I loved you and I didn't want to live without you. That yes this was scary but so is life. I was running from the thought of you hurting me but I was hurting you and you just let me. I realized that I was doing to you what I was most afraid of. I made you fall for me then told you no. But then I turned around and we made love and when you wanted to get close to me after again there was a no. Then finally when you just wanted to love me, I shut you out." He says and I only hold him closer, I only chuckle.