1001 Love Stories Darker

Matty (87)

Today Chris died.

Today the man I've loved for most of my life. The man I was building my future with. The man who was honestly and truly my soulmate died and I don't know what to do.

I sat in our cold empty living room wanting to cry but I can't.

Why why can't I cry.

It hurts so bad I want to die too. But I can't cry.

Our house was how we left it just this morning. Our plates in the sink, stuff that he swore he would clean up when we got home. But he's not home. He's never coming home and I can't fucking cry.

*

I haven't left our house since that day. I just sit here in pain but u able to cry for the man I loved.

But I know something wrong. It's not just crying. I can't taste, or smell, or think. I just watch tv and I morn him.

This is normal right. He gave my life colors, and flavors and thoughts and smells. Of course they'd leave when he did.

The thought hurts. It hurts so much I want to die yet I can't bring myself to shed a single tear. So I do the next best thing. I scream. I scream so loud I'm sure someone would call the cops. I scream obscenities, and curse words and and just sounds and I scream until it stops hurting.

I didn't stop screaming for three days.

But on the seventh day of him dying I head something.

"Matty." I know his voice I know the name he gave me. I hope this is all some bad dream as I run downstairs only to find a speaker sitting in the table.

"Matty, I miss you, I'm so sorry." His voice calls out and I grab it.

"No I'm sorry, I was driving I wasn't paying attention!" I scream but I don't think he can hear me that's not how speakers work.

"Matty I promise I won't leave your side. I'll be here for you." He whispers and it's enough but it's not enough. I want to hold him and see him and kiss him. But I can't because he's dead. But I could hear him. I still had his voice. My feelings overwhelm me but as much as I want to cry i still can't.

"Thanks, Im happy I have this much."

It's every day that Chis speaks through the speaker to me.

"Hey love, I'm just checking on you. You're so strong I'll know you'll be ok. I know you've got this." He says as if I'd ever be ok with out him. He can't hear or see me but just hearing his voice is enough.

"It's raining today. You've always liked the rain." He says and I'm sure it wasn't but the moment I look outside I'm met with a downpour of rain. I smile walking out of the house yet before I step out I stop.

It wasn't the same. It wouldn't be without him.

But as I sit on the porch, speaker at my side I watch the rain and I feel at peace. I was finally at piece.

"Thanks Chris, for the rain." I whisper but he doesn't respond he never does.

*

I woke up to a soft kiss on my head and I instantly reach for it but theres nothing but I know it's Chris.

I get out of bed and head downstairs and it's just like I left it. With our dishes in the sink and the things he said he'd cleaned when we got back. It was like the day we left.

I grabbed my keys as he danced around me excitedly. It was that childish excitement that distracted me.

It was me looking at him waving his hand out the window. It was me thinking just how much I loved him.