1001 Love Stories Darker

Damaged (54)

I was born in a small town frozen in time during an era where homosexuality was not only frowned upon but a sin worse then murder and could be punished as such.

Kids that were found out to be gay where often shipped to the 'school' which was just a factory where you were taught to stand up straight, look straight, and be straight and those who didn't follow suit was punished.

I was one of those kids.

I didn't have a story like the others. Lovers caught and forced apart. I didn't have someone I had to pretend I didn't know.

I just fell in love with him.

It was wrong and stupid to approach him.

I put myself in that situation and I don't blame him.

I was a broken sinner and I deserved it.

But unlike the others I was stubborn.

I wasn't straight and I knew better then to believe that I would ever change.

I told them and no matter how many beating I took, how many days I went locked in my box, starving and dehydrated. I never gave. I never admitted I was wrong.

Until that day.

Until I was broken.

He's not willing to be fixed.

So what's the solution?

Break him.

It took two surgeries to fix the damage and four months to stop shitting blood.

It took a whole year to not break down at the sight of brooms and four more to tell.

Then two years for a court case to settle and twenty seven million paid out in damages.

Fifty eight kids were relocated and twenty men and women were arrested.

A town was stigmatized and I was left completely damaged.

Twenty two with money from a law suit I don't talk about and scares on my body that I still draw blood from trying to wash them clean.

I'm twenty two and still wake up screaming.

I'm twenty two and I still wear long sleeves because people still stare at the four year old scare.

I'm twenty two and I'm sure that if I ever fall in love again it would hurt just as bad. 

I'm twenty two with PTSD that doesn't allow anyone to get close to me without the flashbacks. Without me screaming.

That is until today.

My twenty third birthday.

I rolled over out of bed to hear the soft ping of my phone.

A simple birthday massage drifted across the screen and I sigh.

My birthdays usually consisted of me ordering a pizza and watching true crime shows. Actually my everyday consisted of me ordering a pizza and watching true crime shows. But today would be different.

I say smiling and picking up the pizza menu and deciding to get a nice burger instead.

But until then I only rolled over looking at the ceiling before memories of that night flooded back and I flinch as my own screams echoed in my ears.