Some kind Of Disaster (Jalex)

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Alex's Pov
December 13, 2013

I'm losing hope but she's so lost in stereo.

She's slipping away.

I curled up in a ball in an abandoned room as blood was flowing away from me. Only I could hear was my heart beat on bradycardia while being chilled at the thought that I'm gonna fade away soon. All I have to do is to sleep and everything would be okay for me.

A tear escaped from my left eye and then followed from my right eye. And it all went down and I don't seem to know why. I didn't questioned why was I so weak to cry. Everyone is crying with me, wherever they are. But to what extent did pain hurt them so much, and was it painful than mine?

I've asked myself everytime if why of all people I had to experience this.

Why is it always me?

I'm tired already and honestly I don't think I can hold on much longer. I'm on the edge of a cliff and no one to hold on to. If I'll fall, it would all be over for me.

I hurt Jenna and Tay, I lied at Mom and dad. I lied to my teachers, and even to myself. I'm envious and mad at the same time. I envy everyone that are living normally. I'm not happy, living everyday. I'm living, missing the old me.

I was too innocent back then,  and alright. I thought it would all get better when you'll grow up, I thought high school was fun as the seniors said it was.

But what came was nightmare and never what I had expected. Mom's mad at me for being a liar. I hurt Tay and Jen --- my sisters.  And I thought everything would be alright as they said it would be. But what came was worse, and it is killing me.

I should be happy that I would die now. My attempts had failed; I've cut myself to sleep while dreaming of never waking up again. Maybe this is the way that fate had planned for my parting. Once my thinking would stop and so does my heart beating.

I put all my strength to open my eyes. The light was too bright, I squinted. I adjusted my vision to see the light --- coming from the window outside. It was the buildings and cables of wires from the tall post I've see. The abandoned room with empty chairs is my last space to sleep. Such a cold floor to die on; my tears my pillows, pain my blanket, and my blood my mattress sheet.

I can't stop crying and I don't know why. Then came the thought of my father and mother, of how I miss them so much. I see my younger self grinning in front of me, and he was fading away.

My heart then felt empty as it seems like I've cried enough. I was emotional a while ago and now I'm numb. I can't seem to feel any pain at all. My body was getting cold and I'm happy if I'll fall. To the edge I'll slip and welcome my fate. All is seem fine without me ,and if someone would come, it will be late.

I slowly closed off my vision and fell asleep. Is this is it?

Everything seems black and it's dark in here. There wasn't anything to hear. But I could feel my breathing body still with me.
And maybe I'm still alive.

I internally shivered as I heard footsteps from nowhere. Is that death?

A door must have opened as I heard a swinging sound. I felt myself aware of what's happening to me but all was dark around and blackness is what I see.

Then I felt a hand on my shoulder and I opened my eyes.
It was nothing here, and everything is still covered in black as I'm still numb.

Then its hand turned my body and I wasn't strong to argue.
I felt a light tap on my cheek and I furrowed my eyebrows in annoyance since no one was here. Then I blinked and saw a guy staring at me and I was back in the abandoned room.