Wide Awake

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Namjoon's POV:

7:13 am. I have been laying in bed for 13 long minutes since my alarm abruptly woke me. I sigh, frustrated with my broken sleep and the possible idea of me sleepwalking through my day.

     My bare feet gently hit the cool wooden floor as I force my body into a sitting position. I yawn, blinking aggressively as my vision focuses. I eventually get up because if I wait any longer, I will surely be late for our 8:00 am dance rehearsal.

     Eyes half open, mind half conscious, I prepare for the day. The memory of how I end up, fully dressed, in front of  Yoongi-hyung and Seokjin-hyung's shared room is fuzzy. The reasoning, however, I have no question.

     After gently knocking and receiving no response, I push open the door, peeking my head inside. Yoongi has already up and left, assumingly having taken Seokjin's usual position of cooking breakfast. The older had an intense day, so as would be expected, Yoongi made sure to have him rest up as much as possible.

     Looking down at my peaceful and sleeping hyung, I almost can't wake him. Bang PD-nim and I had discussed giving him a few days off, but I need to talk to him before we leave.

So, I delicately shake him awake. My heart can't help but skip a beat as his eyes flutter open, revealing the glittering orbs I love so. But my heart drops when I see they're no longer glittering, but dull and empty. How long has it been like this? I can't help but wonder. For as long as I remember, he has had a childish glint in his eyes, a sparkle that we were convinced would never dull.

"What are you staring at?" I'm frightened by the sudden question, unsure how long I have been watching. My face burns a bright pink as I think about how I must have looked, staring in awe at my hyung.

"I was just thinking," I mumble, avoiding eye contact.

"About?" His voice comes out scratchy and deep, pulling at my heartstrings. He rubs his swollen eyes, sitting up so our faces are too close for comfort. Not that I'm complaining.

     "You." I can't tell if this comes out as concerned or loving, but either way would be accurate to how I feel. I always knew about my feelings for Jin-hyung, but knowing what he's going through, the need to be near him has risen in intensity. I need to hold him and make him feel loved, but I know I can't show him how much I truly love him. It makes me want to cry.

      Jin smiles sadly, running a hand gently through my ruffled hair. "I'll be okay, Joonie. Please don't worry yourself. You have enough on your plate." At this, I can't help but envelop the older man in my arms, letting all my emotions be transferred through the sudden skinship, hoping he can feel my love.

     "I will always worry about you, Hyung. That just happens when you love someone. You're my top priority right now, nothing will change that." I whisper softly as I hold back tears. I feel strong arms wrap around me, a warm breath against my neck as he nuzzles his face into me. "I love you, Hyung."

     "I love you too." We both pull away, and Jin glances at the clock. "Oh shit, we gotta go!" He jumps up, but I grab his arm before he gets too far.

     "You're not going anywhere. We spoke to Bang-PD-nim. You get the day off." Seokjin offers a confused expression.

     "I need to practice, Joon. I'm going."

     "Come on, you're doing great with the new choreo. One day won't make much of a difference." I stand up to meet his eyes, keeping a hand on his arm.

     "I'm not going to let you all go work hard while I laze around all day." He retorts.

     "Why don't I stay with you? I miss spending time with you. Maybe we can have a day together." I smile and raise my eyebrow in excitement. Indeed, Seokjin-hyung and I don't see each other much, with me always in my studio and him isolating so often. The thought of being alone with him all day makes me giddy.

     Jin's eyes soften and a small smile grows on his face. "That sounds fun. But won't Bang-PD-nim be upset with you missing practice?"

     "Don't worry, he'll understand. Let's just relax today, okay?" I move my hand reassuringly onto his shoulder, beaming with excitement.

     Leaving Seokjin to get dressed for the day, I enter the kitchen to see the other members already finished with their meals. "Namjoon-hyung! There you are, hurry and eat before we're late!" Jimin is suddenly shoving a plate of eggs and toast into my face.

     "I'm not going to practice today, Chim. I'm going to stay here with Seokjin-hyung." I gratefully accept the plate anyway, only now realizing how hungry I am. As I sit next to Hobi, I catch Yoongi's eyes from the kitchen. The rapper smirks at me knowingly, I feel heat rise to my cheeks and quickly revert my eyes.

     "How is he doing?" Jungkook pipes up.

      Turning my attention to the maknae, I sigh. "I'm not sure, Kook-ah. We didn't speak about it. I just want to give him a nice relaxing day today, I'll bring it up when I feel it's right." Kook silently nods his head, returning to his almost empty plate.

     "Van is here, guys! Let's go!" Yoongi's voice echoes from the kitchen, cueing everyone to jump from their seats and pile their dishes in the sink.

     "Sorry to leave the dishes, Joon-ah. We can take care of them when we get back!" Hobi yells as he rushes to tie his shoes.

     "Don't worry, Hyung. I'll take care of it. Have fun at practice!" I shout, not expecting a response, as the dancer chases after the other members.

      "Have a fun day with your boyfriend." I hear a low voice tease. I shoot my head around, as I thought everyone had already left. The last thing I see before the door closes is Yoongi slyly smiling and winking at me.

      Turning back to my plate, I roll my eyes and smile. Sometimes, I wonder why I tell him these things.
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"I'm sorry, I'm sorry,
I'm sorry, my brother.
Even if I try to hide it
Or conceal it, it can't be erased."

~Stigma, V
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A/N

I don't usually do author's notes but holy shit that concert killed me.
My Time and Filter have me deceased😳
I cannot and will not stop talking about this concert I stg.
I woke up at 6am for day 1 and 3am for day 2 and I have never made a better decision in my entire life.

ALSO HAPPY JIMIN DAY!😊💜

Thanks to everyone supporting this story so far! I love to see your reactions☺️