Wide Awake

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Taehyung's POV:

    I slowly make my way to the living room, staring at Namjoon's heels as he walks before me. The tension is high as we sit across from each other on the couch. I love my hyung, and I'm not angry with him, but I fear what he's going to say to me and, more than anything, whether or not I can handle it.

    "I'm sorry, Taehyungie..." I shoot my head up, staring at our leader. I open my mouth and immediately shut it again, confused by his sudden apology. Where's the lecture? Where is the anger? I basically sicked my dogs on him (Jimin), yet he's apologizing to me? "I should have apologized sooner, and I'm sorry for that, too." The elder meets my eyes, tears forming as he speaks, and my heart sinks as I realize the pain he's feeling.

    "Joon-ah..." I begin to speak, inching towards him, when he holds up a hand and shakes his head.

    "Please, just let me finish." I nod softly, staring in awe as the leader of our group pours his soul out to me. "I fucked up, I hurt you, and that wasn't fair. I was angry because I felt that your anger towards Jin-hyung was misplaced. I realize now that your anger at his actions stems from the care you feel for him." I nod quickly, eager to let him know that he's right, that I was never truly angry at the eldest, simply scared. "I understand now." He meets my eyes with empathy and guilt. I smile softly, squeezing his hand gently as I take in his words. "You're not selfish, Taehyung... quite the opposite." My chest tightens at the word, my gaze falling to the ground.

    "You don't have to..." Namjoon gently pushes my chin up, forcing me to meet his eyes.

    "You wouldn't have felt those emotions so strongly if you were selfish, Tae. Believe me, someone who feels so strongly towards someone else's pain is anything but selfish. I said that because I was hurt, and it was a low blow. Jimin had every right to be mad, and so do you."   I frown at his words, shaking my head slightly as I see the pain in his eyes.

    "You didn't deserve that anger Joon-hyung, I kept asking Jiminie to stop. He's just... he's so protective of me." I sigh, a pang of guilt coursing through my chest as I recall the tension Jimin and I caused with the rapper.

    "It's in the past, I'll have a chat with Jimin. I'm just happy we're ok." I throw myself at my Hyung, hugging him tightly as tears threaten to fall. He chuckles softly in my ear as he returns the embrace.

    "Me too. We need to be strong for Seokjin-hyung, and that means being there for each other, not fighting." Namjoon tightens his grip at my words, my heart sinks as I hear a sniffle, a reminder of how strong our leader pretends to be for our sake. I match his strength, drawing patterns on his back as he cries softly. "It's ok, Hyung... I'm here. We're all here." Namjoon hums softly, taking a deep breath before pulling away and chuckling lowly.

    "Sorry, I'm just happy you forgive me." My chest tightens once more, and I smile softly as I take in his tired expression.

    "It's more than that, isn't it?" I speak before I can think through my words, eyes widening as I see the shocked look on his face. "I-i mean, the tears... it's ok if it's more..." I stammer, struggling to explain as a blush covers my cheeks. Namjoon smiles sadly as my words sink in.

    "The same as everyone else, I guess. I'm scared for Hyung." He looks up at me, almost as if he wants to say more. I wait patiently, hoping he will trust in me, but he just puts up his wall again, squeezing my shoulder reassuringly. "We'll get through this together, like we always have." I smile at his comforting words, but it pains me to see him revert so quickly to who he thinks a leader should be instead of leaning on his friend.