Wide Awake

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Dear Bangtan,
         My brothers. I owe you everything. You have given me every reason to keep going, achieve everything I have dreamed of, and be the best version of myself. Without you all, I don't know where I would be. I love you unconditionally.
          Although I owe you everything, I can't give it to you. I can't even give you what you need, especially when I can barely give myself what I need. It sounds stupid, I know, an excuse to be selfish. I want to say I've tried, and to an extent I have, but I've been so tired. Every breath takes energy that I don't have. I can't do it anymore.
          I know you will blame yourself, Namjoon, I'm talking to you, but there is no reason to. You all have helped me as much as possible, more than I'd expect anyone to. Joonie, you have been my shoulder to cry on. Yoongi, you have taken care of me as a hyung would. Hobi, you made me smile when I thought I would never smile again. Jiminie, you have made me feel safe. Taetae, you have distracted me from the voices in my head. Kookie, you always know exactly what I need and when. If anything, you all have been my one reason for being here so long.
         I hate myself. It's as simple as that. Everything I do and say leads me further down into a dark hole. Hatred is all I see, staring back at me in the mirror. I don't deserve to live. I will only pull you down with me.
         I never meant to make this as long as it is, but I guess it's better to explain myself than to leave things unsaid. I wish we could have a little Q&A so you wouldn't have to sit in uncertainty. I'm sorry to put you through this. I hope you understand. I love you.
         How does music say goodbye?

        Audios!

~ Your Jinnie