Wide Awake

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Seokjin's POV:

Every second that passes escapes my mind. As I move my head, my vision blurs. It's as if I can only focus on one thing at a time.

Tunnel vision? Isn't that what it's called? I can see one thing so clearly, but everything around it is a blur.

I see people. Six people before me. They seem familiar, as if I have met them before, but I can't place them. I grow more and more confused; the six sets of eyes bore into my soul. I want to run. Why are they looking at me like that? I see one of their mouths move, but my ears seem to have stopped working. My eyes travel around the room, away from the piercing eyes that cause an unsettling feeling in my stomach. However, the feeling only gets worse as I realized that I don't know where I am. My heart picks up speed. Nothing is right, I don't understand how I got here.

"Hyung!" My body jumps at the sudden contact. I stare down to see a small hand laid gently on my thigh, slowly trailing up the arm to the attached face.

     Jimin. I shake my head, finally out of the daze I was in. This has to be the worst hangover ever.

     "Are you even listening to us?" Namjoon speaks up, concern laced in his voice. I quickly, too quickly, shoot my head up to meet his eyes. Ignoring the sudden swaying of the room, I manage a smile.

     "Sorry, bad hangover. What were you saying?" I chuckle nervously, pretending not to see the disappointment appearing on their faces when the hangover is mentioned.

     Who's even surprised? 

     You're always a disappointment.

     As my eyes float around the room, I sense a feeling of emptiness fill my chest. Since last night, the need to cry, to scream, has vanished. A black hole has materialized in the middle of my body, sucking in any emotions remaining. I'm hanging motionless, only suspended by one thought:

     You deserve this.

     I allow the void to take me, enjoying the overwhelming peacefulness that has tagged along for the ride. Somehow, I have maintained conversation with my dongsaengs, despite the fact that I have retained nothing. The peacefulness however, does not last long. An unanticipated, crushing force follows suite. I was tricked. The bittersweet moment came to a ravaging end, just as I had began to feel safe.

     "Are you still drunk?" Hoseok mutters painfully, his eyes desperately searching mine.

     "Hangover," I repeat, the troubled expressions of the others not registering in my mind. I don't remember much from the night before, only the occasional flashback. A man with a sly grin, a white powder... did I?

     "How much did you drink?" Namjoon crosses his arms, clenching his jaw, obviously not believing a word I say.

     "Who cares?" This comes out with more annoyance than I intend, but even as Namjoon raises an eyebrow at my tone, I remain unfazed. "Are we done here? I need to sleep off this headache."

     A shock runs through my body as I find myself strangely aware, yet so unaware of my surroundings at the same time. It sounds impossible, I know, but there is no other way to explain it. My gut churns with panic as my head spins. The people around me, whom I seem to be so comfortable around, are strangers in my eyes. With nowhere to look for answers, I pray for a way out.

     "Hyung, wait." A tight grip latches onto my wrist before I can leave the room. My movements are unknowingly slowed as I turn to face the owner of the voice. "Why are you acting so distant?" A nameless face. His eyes those of a cat, filled with so much emotion that I feel bad for him without even knowing who he is. Deep down, I know exactly who this is, but the more I search, the more I forget. Why am I distant? Because I don't know who I am, my precious dongsaeng, but I can't tell you that.

     "I'm fine, just let me sleep." I rip my arm away from the man's loosened grasp. Reality hits me as I hear Yoongi whisper under his breath.

      "No, you're not."

     The void in my chest makes an appearance once again as I saunter to my bedroom, desperately seeking solace in my unmade sheets. To my dismay, I was only met with unwelcoming and stiff sheets. I think back to the man, trying to recall what he had offered. Cocaine? I tried that once before in high school, but this isn't how that felt. I sigh, beginning to feel the weight of soberness. 

     Go find more, I dare you.

     I'll still be here waiting when it all wears off.

     Hanging, lifeless, I let my eyes shut, drifting off into a deadening sleep.

Third Person POV:

"This is crazy!" Taehyung shouts, his anger wins over. "How are we supposed to keep up with this, it's something different everyday!"

"He can't help it, Tae." Jimin reaches out in an attempt to calm his soulmate.

"Bullshit! He may not be able to control his illness, but he is fully capable of controlling his actions! How are we supposed to help him if he isn't going to work with us?? All he is doing is putting himself in danger!" Tears begin falling down his reddened cheeks. "This isn't fair. We are all trying so hard, yet he isn't lifting a finger!"

"Kim Taehyung!" Namjoon shouts, silencing the younger. V's eyes go wide, mind running wild. "I know this is hard, it is on all of us. But how about, just for once, you think about someone other than yourself." No one has ever seen their leader like this before. He stares down the second maknae with a crazed look, mouth set in an irate frown as he grits his teeth. The members stare back in shock, unsure of how to react to his uncharacteristic outburst and intentional dig on Taehyung's biggest insecurity.

"Joon-" Hobi whispers hesitantly, breaking the silence, only to be cut off by a muffled sob. Taehyung sprints out of the room, closely followed by a worried Jimin. The remaining members watch as Namjoon's face sinks, his guilt becoming evident. A hand comes up to rub his face frustratedly.

"I know." He mutters to Hoseok, embarrassed of his actions.
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"Come home and lie in bed
Thinking if it was my fault?
Dizzy night, looking at the clock.
Soon it will be midnight."

~00:00 (Zero O'Clock), BTS
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A/N

I know this is kinda just angst on top of angst on top of angst, and normally I would apologize for that but tbh, that's how I like my stories so sorry, not sorry!😙✌️

I sense some fluff entering the chat v soon tho so dw