Wide Awake

<19>

Namjoon's POV:

The car ride, although short, feels like a lifetime. With Yoongi beside me, hands gripped tightly to the wheel, I can't help but steal glances to see if he's noticing it too. Sure enough, the raven-haired rapper stares harshly at the road, body tense with worry.

Jimin's voice fills the van, his soft giggles and whiney tone directed at Seokjin. I keep my eyes trained on the rearview mirror, watching the two interact. Well, one of them tries to interact. Jin simply stares through the window, an angered expression and eyes lost in thought. I can't help but notice his shaking legs and fidgeting hands. His muscles are stiff, and he acts as though no one else is there, even Jimin, who is chattering into his ear.

Once we reach the dance studio, I approach Jimin, who is clearly down on himself for not getting through to the eldest. I gently lay my hand on his shoulder.

"Maybe another time?" I offer the small dancer a small smile, which is only met with a disappointed nod.

Soon enough, the music has begun. With Hoseok still home asleep, we consciously leave a gap during our routine, ensuring our positioning doesn't change. I had checked on him before leaving, but he was out like a light. I couldn't bring myself to wake him. 

With my gaze on the mirror, I can't help but glance over to Seokjin. It's been days since he joined us, and I can't help but feel like he needed a few more. Glances soon turn into a full stare, noticing how my Hyung falls behind. After what he's been through, no one can blame him for that, but it's the way he stares begrunginly at his figure and the way he mutters incoherently to himself as he pushes to keep up. I find myself tripping on my feet as my attention remains on him.

"Namjoon!" The choreographer shouts. "Come on, keep up!" He claps along with the beat, snapping me out of my trance. I force my gaze back onto my movements, breathing steadily as I move faster. My mind is sprinting as I try to focus, left, wrong footwork, right, step, turn, don't look at Jin, slide, stomp, Hobi's spot, move, don't look, back, turn, focus. By some miracle, I manage to push through. "Okay, 5-minute break." The choreographer sighs, clearly not impressed.

I immediately rush over to where Seokjin is sitting, sitting next to him as I catch my breath. "Good work!" I smile before downing half a water bottle. He only stares at the floor, a dark chuckle escaping his lips. Reading his mind, I continue, "I mean, anyone is bound to fall behind after taking time off. You'll be caught up in no time." I lean forward, trying to meet his eyes.

"Not in the mood, Namjoon." I freeze at his harsh tone and lack of nickname. All I can do is blink at him. His eyes meet mine momentarily, and all I see is disdain. Was that towards me? Or himself? I can't help but feel like I have done something wrong, or maybe I have just gotten caught in the crossfire of his inner monologue. Not that that's much better.

"Okay, let's focus this time! Don't make me keep you longer!" The choreographer shouts. I watch painfully as Jin stands and joins the others in front of the mirror as though nothing happened. "Namjoon! What are you waiting for?" The choreographer opens his palms, shaking his head at me with frustration, sending everyone looking my way.

"Shit, yeah, sorry." I quickly jump to my feet, stumbling a little as I shake the past five minutes out of my mind. I ignore the concerned looks from the other members as I take my position between Jungkook and Taehyung.

"Yeah. Let's get this over with." The choreographer mutters, rubbing his furrowed brows and walking towards the stereo. "Last time for today, boys." I jump slightly when I feel someone squeeze my hand. I turn to see Taehyung, who offers me a reassuring nod before letting go and returning his focus to the mirror. I nod back, even though he's no longer looking, and take a deep breath as the music begins again.