Wide Awake

<7>

Third Person POV:

     Yoongi gently guides his Seokjin onto his unmade bed, preparing his lines in his head before daring to speak.

     "Hyung, I-"

     "I just want to sleep, can this wait?" Jin speaks, straining his voice from exhaustion. The younger sighs but nods his head in agreement, knowing how the man must feel after today's events.

     "Let's get you into some pyjamas then." Yoongi makes his way to his roommate's closet before he's put to a stop.

     "I can get ready for bed on my own. Just please, leave me alone." Kind, but tired eyes stare up at the rapper, filling his heart with empathy. "Thank you for the effort, I just need some space." He continues, forcing a small but grateful smile onto his face.

     With a sad smile, Yoongi leans down and wraps his hyung into a warm hug. "I love you, please take care of yourself hyung." He whispers softly into the other's ear. The two then part without another word, Yoongi leaving Seokjin to himself.

     Back in the kitchen, the remaining members are in a state of shock. Taehyung is cemented to the floor, guilt swallowing him whole. Jimin is leaned over his soulmate, whispering comforting words. Jungkook sits cross legged beside the two, looking as though his whole world has fallen apart. Hoseok and Namjoon are placed at the dining table, discussing the orders of their manager.

     "How is he?" Namjoon is the first to speak, eager to be updated about his most loving hyung.

     "He's sleeping." Yoongi responds.

     "Did you talk to him?" Hobi asks.

     "I tried to, but let's be honest, he needs some time to recover after today. I'll bring it up tomorrow." Yoongi hesitates, not knowing whether or not tomorrow would be safe either. "Plus, I don't even know what I would say." He sits next to Hoseok, rubbing at his furrowed brow.

     "Why don't I talk to him? I think you've handled enough for now." Joon calmly says, expressing sympathy for the selfless rapper.

     "I'm sorry guys." Taehyung suddenly bursts, silent tears pouring from his eyes.

     "Why would you be sorry hon?" Jimin immediately hugs the younger.

     "I wanted to help him, be there for him like he is for us, but all I did was hurt him." He whispers painfully, eyes wide with guilt.

    "Hyung was already hurting Tae. He just finally broke, it had nothing to do with you."  Jimin gently cups his soft, glossy cheeks. "If anything you helped him through it."

     "He hurt himself."

     Everyone's eyes shoot to the broken maknae, shocked at the words out of his mouth. They were all thinking it, but no one expected Jungkook to say it.

     "Yoongi-hyung?" Jungkook moves his teary gaze to the table. "He was hurting himself, punching, hitting. Why would he do that?"

     After a long pause, and questioning stares directed at him, Yoongi speaks carefully. "I can't diagnose, but it's very possible that hyung is suffering from one or even multiple mental illnesses. Depression for example can lead to what are sometimes known as adult temper tantrums, which is pretty self explanatory. In these cases, the thoughts and feelings associated with depression become so overwhelming that the person shuts down."

     "You spoke like you knew exactly what was happening hyung." Namjoon whispers.

"The voice in his head was drowning out reality. It was so loud, so convincing that he could no longer focus on anything else. He felt out of control and therefore acted so." Yoongi looks down to avoid the others prying eyes. "The voice likes to lie-"

"It likes to convince you that you're worthless." Jimin mutters under his breath, sending all eyes onto him. "That listening to it is the only way to rid yourself of the pain."

"Chim?" Taehyung's eyes begin to water once again. Everyone knows what Yoongi has been through in regards to mental illness, but Jimin? He softly giggles in response.

"Don't be so dramatic, I'm better now." He hesitates before explaining. "It's not just depression that comes with a voice. It's what told me that not eating was the only way to be loved." Jimin shrugs it off as if it's nothing, a problem of the past. "I'm just lucky I had you guys to pull me out of it before I fell too deep." A solemn expression swallows his face at the thought of how deep Jin has obviously fallen.

The boys go silent, processing the information. They hurt for their eldest, unknowing of what he is going through and unsure of how to help. Yoongi and Jimin can describe the feeling as much as they please, but the four lucky ones will never truly understand the depth of his suffering.

"Bang PD-nim is looking into a therapist for him." Hoseok decides to begin the most important discussion, Jin's recovery.

"Hyung refused to see someone though." Jimin softly reminds the dancer.

"He'll go." Namjoon interjects. "Even if we have to force him, he will go. There is no other way." The others nod in agreement. Joon suddenly stands up and opens his arms, hinting for the boys to join him in a group hug.

     Six somber men huddle together for comfort in their quiet dorm. Their minds race as they review the events of the past day, as they hold on tight to one another.

     "This isn't going to be easy, we will all have to be patient and supportive, both for Jin-hyung and each other." Their leader holds back his tears, looking down on his despondent members.

      "We will get through this, together."
________________________________

"I don't know, I don't know.
Is this the sea or the desert?
Is this hope or despair?
Is this real or fake? shit."

~Sea, BTS