Wide Awake

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Hoseok's POV:

     The dorm is deathly quiet, something none of us are used to. With everything going on concerning Seokjin, everyone has been rendered speechless. This includes our leader, who always seems to know what to say.

     It has been a while since today's argument. The maknae line have locked themselves in Jungkook and Taehyung's shared room, no doubt having a heart to heart. My heart aches for Taehyung, wishing I could be there for comfort, but I know Kook and Jimin will be good for him. Instead I sit with Namjoon and Yoongi-hyung.

     Namjoon messed up, but neither Yoongi nor I dare to bring that up. We silently concluded that beating a dead horse would do no good. So here we are, basking in unspoken regret.

     "Don't beat yourself up, Joonie." Yoongi finally speaks up. "We're all stressed out, and our worst is coming out. Tae will understand."

     "He trusted us. He told us his deepest insecurities only for me to use them against him when things got a little hard. How can he forgive me for that?" The youngest rapper hangs his head low, disgust dripping from his voice. "I'm supposed to be the leader, yet I can't even control myself."

     I want to disagree with him, to comfort him, but I find the words stuck in my mouth as I realize the truth behind what he had said. This has always been a struggle for Namjoon, the constant pressure building on his shoulders of having to be the perfect leader.

     "I can't sugar coat it, you messed up. But it's not too late to apologize. He will be okay." I speak hesitantly, yet I cringe at the harshness of my words. Namjoon meets my eyes, and I respond with a sympathetic smile, hoping to soften the blow. I can practically see the gears turning in his head as he processes his emotions.

      "I just can't help but get defensive for Jin-hyung. My emotions got the best of me, I guess." The rapper sighs deeply, burying his head in his hands.

The room once again goes silent at the implication of Joon's feelings towards Seokjin. This is no news to Yoongi or myself, I recall countless nights of the young rapper cross-legged on my studio couch, rambling on about the butterflies the silly singer brings. The teasing remarks Yoongi and I privately throw his way are our way of showing our support, always able to bring a sheepish smile onto his face. But, Namjoon has refused to mention the elder privately since the note was found. Until now, that is.

"It hurts." My heart breaks along with Namjoon's voice. So much vulnerability and fear is pouring from his vocal cords, followed by salty tears. "I love him so much that it hurts, Hyungs. But what hurts more is that he is so far from loving himself." Before he can even finish his sentence, Yoongi and I are tightly by his side with comforting touches. We're usually so caught up with Namjoon as our leader, our guiding light, that we often forget he is our dongsaeng. It's moments like this, where his youth and innocence make an appearance, that we realize how young and clueless he truly is. Like us all.

Jimin's POV:

     Taehyung has been an outgoing kid as long as I've known him, and judging by the many stories his parents have shared, before as well. Oftentimes, his outgoing nature can be mistaken for obnoxiousness or as seeking out attention. I, however, understand that all he truly wants is for everyone to be happy. To make people laugh and smile like nothing else matters. His sense of humour is unique, but that's just what makes Tae himself. My precious alien, I'm sorry others don't understand the way I do.

     As my soulmates lay shaking in my arms after finally calming down, a fire builds in my chest. The combination of anger and sorrow has caused a strong reaction inside of me. "What the fuck was he thinking?" I grumble lowly through clenched teeth. A dispirited maknae raises his gaze off of his snivelling brother and towards me. However, he's quick to shake off my question and redirect his attention.

     "Joonie-hyung is just stressed, Tae; he didn't mean that." The youngest tries. Of course, Jungkook is so understanding of Namjoon-hyung, but it doesn't make what he did right.

     "H-he's right, though. I o-only ever t-think of myself." My heart shatters as a weak and unstable whisper is released from Tae's throat, fuelling the fire. Sensing my upcoming outburst, I allow Jungkook to carry the conversation.

     "You are the farthest from selfish, Hyung. Remember when I was having a bad day and you let me win Mario Kart?" The maknae's face is set in a serious pout, giving me no mercy as I hold back the sudden urge to laugh, flames immediately put out. The kid's first instinct is to bring up Mario Kart, who's surprised. Before I realize it, a small giggle slips through my lips. Both sets of eyes fly towards me, confusion clear from their furrowed brows. This sends me into a full laughing attack. Bad timing, I know.

     "What? Beating Tae in Mario Kart is huge. Do you know how long I bragged about that?" Kook mumbles, his eyes wide and lips pillowing up into a pout. In response, Tae and I fall to the floor, laughing so hard we can no longer breathe. "Stop laughing at me! I was trying to help!"

     Taehyung manages to raise off of the floor, small giggles escaping through his boxy smile. Tears forgotten. "I love you, Kookie." The older wraps his arms lovingly around his bunny.

     "I love you too, Hyungie." A wide smile finally breaks out on Jungkook's reddened face, returning Taehyung's warm embrace.

     "Yah! Let me in, I feel left out!" I call jokingly, interrupting the sweet moment. I mean, they can't have all the fun, at least not on my watch. My two dongsaengs part ways, leaving a small gap just big enough for me to squeeze in. With no hesitation, I leap into their open arms, snuggling deep into their embrace. "I love you guys too!" I mutter pettily under my breath.

     "Just enjoy your hug, you brat." Taehyung lightly slaps the back of my head, causing a soft giggle to erupt from all three of us. I feel a sweet smile lay gently on my lips as I savor the moment.

     I truly do love these guys.
_______________________________

"If my fate is to disappear like this, then this is my last letter.
Penned words, written then erased.
Feelings for you, so many to let go."

~Let Go, BTS