Wide Awake

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Jimin's POV:

I wake to muffled voices outside my room. Yawning, I grab my phone, squinting at the bright screen.

6:26 a.m.

I groan, slamming my face back into the pillow. I shut my eyes, attempting to fall back to sleep, aching for that extra 44 minutes before my alarm goes off. The hushed voices from the hallway seep through the cracks beneath the door. I sigh, rolling onto my back and staring at the ceiling, realizing that falling back to sleep is useless.

I jump from my bed, stomping to the door and swinging it open.

"Yah, it's too early..." I cut myself off when I see Hoseok and Namjoon staring with fear in their eyes. "What's wrong?" My stomach drops; I'm unsure if I want to hear their response.

"Don't worry about it, Chim," Hoseok states bluntly, pushing past Namjoon into their shared room. I furrow my brows, reverting my gaze to our leader. He only sighs, rubbing the tension from his forehead.

"I'm still worried about it." I frown, crossing my arms.

"Jin-hyung snuck out last night, but he's okay." Namjoon smiles softly, obviously holding back the details. I watch him as he heads to the kitchen. Standing alone in the hallway, I hear a familiar laugh echo through the dorm, piquing my ears.

I rush after Namjoon, drowsiness long forgotten as I chase the long-missed laughter of my Hyung.

Third Person POV:

For the first time since everything started, the atmosphere hums with energy. The maknaes dance around the oldest in the kitchen, happy to lend a helping hand as they laugh and joke around. Yoongi sits at the kitchen table, watching the scene play out silently. He turns his head when he sees Jimin enter the room, sighing softly when he notices the younger's confused expression. Namjoon follows shortly after, a dispondent and far-off look in his eyes. 

"Hey, did Hoseok tell you?" Yoongi whispers as Namjoon sits next to him. The youngest rapper nods gently, glancing over as another joyful shout echoes from the kitchen.

"What do you think?" He mutters, watching as Jimin hesitantly joins the group making breakfast.

"I can't tell. An act, maybe? Or maybe he's still drunk." Yoongi pauses, taking in the somewhat manic look that possesses his Hyung's eyes. "Either way. a change in mood this fast can't be good." He sighs, leaning back in his chair and rubbing his hands over his face. Another laugh fills the room, and flour flies everywhere.

"KOOK!" Jin stares at the younger with a coat of flour covering his hair and an enraged look in his eye. "Damn it, seriously?!" The others freeze, their smiles immediately falling at the singer's tone.

"S-sorry, I didn't..." Jungkook takes a step back, preparing to be lectured for his mistake. The jarring change of Seokjin's attitude was enough to end the laughter, and they waited anxiously for his next move. 

"Doesn't matter. Just clean it up." Jin shouts, suddenly way too aware of the eyes on him. He pushes them out of the way, the pancakes on the stove completely forgotten as he rushes to the bathroom.

Seokjin's POV:

The bathroom door slams behind me. Jungkook's fearful gaze carved into my brain as I try to catch my breath. Why am I so angry? Why did I have to ruin the fun?

You ruin everything.

Well no shit! I stare into the mirror, seething as I take in the powder that clings to my skin. With a sense of urgency, I begin rubbing at my face, growing panicked at the sensation of the coarse flour. My breath quickens, and I feel tears prick my eyes. What's happening? Rage fills my entire body, and I clench my teeth, desperately shaking the powder from my hair.

You scared him.

You made him cry.

What? Kook wasn't crying, was he? I shut my eyes, trying to remember, but my memory is twisted. I only see jumbled faces. I only hear distorted voices. But, it can't be true... I would never make them cry. Sure, I scold and lecture, but I'm the eldest; he is used to my shouting, right? This isn't any different...

Don't be so sure.

Have you ever felt this kind of anger?

I freeze, swallowing hard when it sinks in. You're right, this anger seems... inconsolable. A type of rage that leads to recklessness and destruction. How do I stop it?

You know how.

I don't remember when I started talking to the voice, asking it for advice. But I don't have the energy to put much thought into it right now, so I nod and pull the vile out of my pocket. The bottle is emptier than before. I had taken some time while waiting for the other to wake to do some research. I may be reckless for indulging in the drug, but I sure as hell am gonna take precautions while doing it.

For now.

The man at the bar had sold me one gram. According to the internet, one gram should last someone about 10 bumps. Bump: A small quantity of an illicit drug when inhaled in powder form at one time. That's another thing I learned. I try to even out each bump as best I can, in an attempt to avoid overdose.

FOR NOW.

I sigh, dumping some of the substance onto the back of my hand. I inhale deeply, a shudder flowing through my body as it kicks in. My mind immediately quiets, and the anger dissipates, leaving a dazed grin across my lips. 

I exit the bathroom, humming softly, eyelids heavy and colours a little brighter than before. Jungkook, Taehyung, and Jimin are nearly finished cleaning up the mess when I approach the stove. I can feel the tension in the room, but I ignore it and focus on the euphoria flooding my veins. Returning to the stove, I begin plating the pancakes, allowing my body to move without my control. It feels nice not to have to think, not to have to control anything.

"Hyung?" My eyes flicker up to see Yoongi staring with a perturbed glint in his eye. I glance around, noticing the others had already made their way to the table with their plates. How long have I been standing here? When my gaze falls on Yoongi, the rapper gently rubs the bottom of his nose, clearing his throat as he stares sharply at me. I frown, lifting my hand and rubbing my nose. I can't help but let out a loud laugh when I see powder transfer onto my hand, shaking my head.

"Must have missed some flour."

_________________________________

"I can't show you a ruined part of myself.

Once again, I put a mask on and go to see you."

~The Truth Untold, BTS