Wide Awake

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Hoseok's POV:

    Once Yoongi and Seokjin leave for the cabin, I silently make my way back to my room. My heart feels heavy, and my mind is filled with images of my eldest hyung, lying lifeless on the dark street.

    Sleeping has become impossible, nightmares of that night filling my head the moment I close my eyes. The delicate raindrops decorated his emotionless face, the fear in Jimin's voice as he rushed toward him. Tires screeched, and horns honked in the distance. I seemed to run in slow motion, my shaky hand slowly losing its grip on the phone that was held to my ear. The neon lights created a disorienting effect as they mirrored in the puddles against the blackened concrete.

    I lay back on my bed, my stomach churning as I stare up at the ceiling. I have barely been able to hold down a meal since that night, fear riddling my small frame. I sigh loudly, groaning as I decide to sit back up, a pathetic attempt to ease my stomach. My hands hold my head, and I breathe deeply as I try to calm my nerves, reminding myself that Hyung is safe.
   
    With my mind foggy, I fail to notice a gentle rap at my door. I run my hands through my hair, tired eyes following the movement as a tall figure stands in the doorway. I focus my eyes, forcing a small smile as I see Namjoon enter our shared room, slowly closing the door behind him.

    "Hey Joon-ah, what's up?" I croak, cringing at the grittiness behind my voice. I harshly clear my throat, not missing the concerned expression on the youngest rapper's face. He sighs, sitting on his bed across from me. I feel a sense of insecurity as he takes in my appearance, both of us fully aware of the dark circles under my eyes and the pale, paper-like hue of my skin.

    "We need to continue our conversation... I'm worried about you, Hobi-hyung." I'm not surprised he's following up on what I told him earlier this morning, our leader has always put the others before himself. However, I feel guilty burdening him with my worry, knowing he's holding everyone else's on his shoulders too.

    "Isn't everyone worried about everyone?" I chuckle sadly, a grim smile spreading across my face as he nods in agreement.

    "I guess you have a point." Namjoon places his elbows on his knees, running his hand through his hair. "But let's talk about you right now, ok?" His eyes shine with concern, obviously determined to help me. I continue to breathe deeply, nodding at his comment as I try to ease my nauseous stomach.

    "I've been having nightmares, and my stomach has been churning with worry." I sigh once again, staring at the floor between us. "It's hard to be away from Seokjin-hyung, but it's also hard to see him. I feel like I can't even function; I'm just so worried, Joon-ah." My body begins to react to my words, a pain shooting through my head and a loud groan escaping my lips as I grasp at my abdomen. Namjoon begins to stand, a hand reaching out as I curl into myself.

    "Hyung? What hurts?" The next few moments seem to move in slow motion as I feel bile rise in my esophagus. I push Namjoon out of my way, ricocheting off of him and sprinting into the bathroom. I clash harshly with the tiled bathroom floor, the thin sweatpants I wear doing little to cushion my knees. My hands grip the cold porcelain, and my breakfast gushes into the bowl. As I choke and gag, I take a moment to be grateful I left the toilet seat up.

   I feel Namjoon rush to my side, softly cheering me on as I struggle to get through the harsh wave of vomit exiting my throat. Pain shoots blindly through my body as my muscles contort and twist with every cough, the churning nausea refusing to leave my body with the contents of my stomach. A large hand rubs circles on my back, the small amount of comfort helping bring me back to this world. I breathe heavily, small groans escaping my lips as I rest my head on my arm, refusing to move from the toilet bowl. I chuckle lowly, shaking my head. "And I thought New Year's Eve was bad." Namjoon chuckles softly behind me as we think back to the disastrous night that brought us into 2021. I had spent most of New Year's Day back and forth to the bathroom, thanks to Jimin's special cocktails (he still won't tell us what was in them).