Wide Awake

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Seokjin's POV:

My vision is blurred, but it doesn't bother me as dopamine floods through my body. I don't remember much of the walk home; all I recall is the light splashing of shallow puddles on the sidewalk, glistening with the moonlight as the soles of my shoes disrupt the calm surface. 

I make my way into our building, reaching for my keys as I try to unlock the door. I grow confused as the key doesn't turn, struggling against the mechanism.

"What the" I pull out the key, and suddenly the lock clicks and the door opens. I look up, trying to focus my eyes.

"Jin-hyung?" A tired voice comes out, and I shake my head softly, watching the young trainee rub the sleep from his eyes. "Why are you here?" He speaks softly, obviously confused by my presence. I blink heavily, looking around, realizing I'm at the wrong door.

"S-sorry." I laugh, smile lighting up my face and waving off the younger. "I'm getting home late and obviously need some sleep." I turn and stumble my way to my door. A group of trainees soon to debut recently moved into the building and currently occupy the other dorm rooms on our floor. They are good kids, and they call themselves TXT. I smile to myself, excited to see them succeed.

"Hyung, wait." Huening Kai steps into the hallway, exposing his pajamas and slippers. "Are you okay?" He speaks sheepishly, and I chuckle at his shyness.

"Of course, just working late." I flash a bright smile, laughing again as I drop my keys. My head spins as I bend down, steadying myself on the wall as I reach for them. Huening Kai is watching with confusion as I jump back up to a standing position with a strange amount of energy for the time of night.

"Oh, okay. Well, goodnight." The young trainee speaks hesitantly, but I ignore it, waving as I open the door and disappear into my dorm.

Suddenly forgetting about the need for silence, I toss the coat aside, kick off my shoes, and waltz into the kitchen. Humming happily to myself, thankful for a quiet mind, I make use of my newfound energy and reach for a cutting board.

Hoseok's POV:

I wake at 4 a.m. feeling groggy and my muscles aching from being still for so long. I groan, lifting myself to a sitting position. I can't help but chuckle as my eyes land on Namjoon. The leader lies on his back, mouth hanging open as he's deep in sleep. I shake my head at his comedic position, standing and heading to the bathroom.

I stare into the mirror, ruffling my tangled hair, making a mental note to book a haircut soon. I spend some time preparing for the day, determined to attend our whole schedule from now on. Although I'm thankful to Namjoon for giving me time to rest yesterday, I can't help but feel guilty for allowing my stress to take hold. I'm usually so good with separating emotion from work, but I guess my body needed me to rest. After nearly a full day of sleeping, I am positive that I'll be able to push through. I can't let the negativity get in the way of work. Plus, how am I supposed to be there for Seokjin-hyung and the others if I can't handle myself? I sigh, changing into a plain sweater and sweat pants, stepping softly so as not to wake Namjoon. 

As I step out of the room, I frown at the sound of dishes clanging in the kitchen. I check my phone to ensure the time is right, and sure enough, it reads 4:43 a.m. Who would be up at this hour? Our schedule doesn't begin until 8 a.m. I shuffle down the hallway, hearing a singing carrying through the dorm.

"Jin-hyung?" I mutter to myself, moving a little faster as I recognize the voice. As I reach the end of the hallway, I catch a glimpse of his jacket and shoes thrown to the floor in front of the door. My chest tightens at the idea of Seokjin being out alone at night. Has he slept at all? I quietly pick up his belongings, placing them in their prospective spots. Before I can enter the kitchen, I hear a gentle knock on the door.

Hesitantly, I unlock the door, opening it to see a wide-eyed trainee. "Huening Kai? Why are you knocking so early?" My voice comes out harsher than intended, and the young boy looks to the ground.

"Sorry, Hyung. I just... I couldn't sleep." He speaks with uncertainty, which creates a feeling of uneasiness in my stomach. I peek behind me, still hearing a soft voice pouring from the kitchen. Turning back to him, I sigh, sliding out into the hallway to speak with him.

"Why?" He looks up at me, almost as if he's questioning whether or not he should tell me. "What happened?" I furrow my brows, unable to push away my bad feeling.

"Is Jin-hyung asleep yet?" My shoulders tense up at the mention of Jin. How did he know he's been up? 

"No... how do you..." I stare at the curly-haired boy, waiting for an explanation.

"Um... he woke me up coming home. I think he thought our door was yours..." My eyes go wide.

"Was he drunk?" My mind goes crazy, wondering what our Hyung has been up to all night. "What time was it?" I question the young trainee.

"Around 3:30, I think... I don't know, but he definitely wasn't himself." Huening Kai sighs, shaking his head. "He seemed genuinely confused that he was at the wrong door, and kept dropping things and..." My stomach churns as he explains, but I wait for him to finish. "He didn't have much balance, and his eyes wouldn't focus... maybe he was drunk." He speaks with uncertainty, seeming to realize as he speaks. I rub my temple and close my eyes as I take in his words. "Is he okay?"

"I don't know." I look at the door I had just exited, thinking back to the last time I saw Jin singing in the kitchen. God, it has to have been months. Shaking away the thought, I turn back to Huening Kai. "Thank you for telling me. I'll make sure to handle it." I pat his shoulder and offer a small smile. "Do you have a schedule today?"

"Yeah, photoshoot at 9." He speaks softly, mind obviously running through the events he had experienced an hour prior.

"Go get some rest then, you still have some time to catch up on sleep." I gently guide him across the hallway to the TXT dorm, smiling sympathetically. I can't help but think back to my trainee days, specifically while BTS was preparing to debut. Sleep was rare, and I feel for the younger. He doesn't need to take on anything more. "Don't let this bother you, okay? We'll take care of Seokjin-hyung." Huening Kai simply nods, smiling tiredly before he leaves me alone in the hallway. My smile drops as soon as he leaves my sight, fearful of what state I will find Jin in. 

With a deep breath, I re-enter the dorm, his melodic voice filling my ears once again. I slowly make my way to the kitchen, a gentle smile finding its way onto my lips when I see him. He floats around the kitchen, a wide smile on his face and an extra pep in his step. I choose to ignore the bad feeling in my gut for a moment, enjoying the side of the singer I have missed so much. I'm reminded of the many mornings we would be woken by a cheery shout and the smell of pancakes, the way the eldest shows his love. The loud laughs and gentle scolding he would contribute to the atmosphere never failed to bring a smile to everyone's face.

The moment doesn't last long, as I try to remember the last time I've experienced this side of him. How long has it been, and why is it so eerie to see him return so suddenly?

____________________________

Actually, this is our destiny, you know.

Smiling in endless pain, you know.

There is no 'freedom' when you say 'freedom' out loud, you know.

Do you know?

-Moonchild, RM