supernova

7

The atomic radius of the atom aids in providing information about the force of attraction.

Opposites attract.

Electrons and protons attract each other and the ionization energy is the strength of the attraction.

I feel like an electron.

The protons are the motivation to live, to work, to care, to breathe, to open my eyes another morning.

My ionization energy is as indecisive as a Libra. Sometimes I feel like 4p^1. Easily removable and not as attracted to the protons as a 1s^1.

Other days I'm a 1s^1, Hydrogen. I feel attracted to my goals and life, and everything. I want to will and hope and live.

It's so back and forth with what I want. It's so mentally exhausting to feel motivated one day and then useless and dead the next.

During the useless days all I can do is yell at myself. Why can't I just have the motivation? It's so exhausting to switch back and forth between two mental states. I have no consistency.

I stared at my ceiling ignoring the alarm going off next to my bed. Good Morning by Kanye was an obnoxiously obvious choice for an alarm. It had been the same song for years and although I'm half immune to it, I refuse to put up with any other alarm.

Near the finish of the song, I turned it off and got out of bed, throwing on a large sweater and sweats that I had worn a couple days ago. I had a decent amount of clothes, but recycled the same three to four shirts and pants into different outfits.

I walked out and stared at the 2015 BMW my dad adored.

I knew what I had to do, but I couldn't bring myself to do it.

He loved it so much, it hurt to think about even selling. I knew I'd make a good amount of money with this. I'd buy a cheap car and make it work and then save the rest of the money.

The shoved the thought to the back of my head as I drove to school. I was going to have to put it up for sale soon.

I had to let go.

To learn to let go.

I sat in my car not caring that I was going to be a few minutes late.

I should've stayed home. After the wreck I was yesterday, I don't know why I thought this was a good idea.

Right, I want money.

I walked into class five minutes late.

"Ms. Turner, leave the tardy note on my desk. Your seat has been moved to next to Atlas. Daniyal said you were having trouble looking at the board, you should've spoken up earlier," Ms.Raj said reprimanding me in front of the entire class.

"Sorry," I mumbled and walked over to the next and sat on the bar stool next to his.

"Take out your notebook. We're taking notes and then doing practice questions with your partner. You will have a quiz on it this on Friday. I will not spend more than one day on this in class, so you will have to do a lot of practice on your own," she said loudly while pulling up the powerpoint on chemical reactions.

I didn't say a word to him, hoping he didn't say anything to me. I sat there and stared at my paper. I didn't understand a single question.

I turned around to ask Daniyal for help.

"Ms. Turner, you have a partner. Face forward." I turned around and stared at my paper again, not wanting to ask him for help.

"Can I get help?"