✔️Soundtrack to My Youth (18+)

Shout

The sound of footsteps next to my bed, filters into my dream, I can hear them clearly, padding across the floor, long strides getting closer and closer until they stop right beside my bed, there's a scraping noise, like furniture being dragged but it doesn't go far, a soft crinkle of fabric followed by deep, heavy sigh. I'm being watched, I can sense it, I want to scream out, to run from my room but my body won't allow it, I feel like there's a weight sitting over me, holding me in place. A familiar scent hits me, a spiced, woodsy smell brings instant comfort and I'm no longer afraid. I speak his name in my mind but no sound comes out.

"Come back to me baby" Sam begs beside me, his voice so clear, "I need you" His hand caresses my cheek, I can feel it, I can feel everything but I can't see him, all I see is darkness, pitch black that stretches on forever. More footsteps, running, an unfamiliar perfume scent lingers over me, my left eyelid is pulled up and a bright light floods in, this is then repeated on the right eye.

"Page Doctor Papskin" A loud, female voice shouts. There's a conversation happening at the foot of my bed, the voices are muffled, I'm trying hard to grab on to what they're saying but the dream is slipping away and reality is seeping back in.

"Veronica, you're having a nightmare, come back to me baby" Sam voice pulls me out of my sleep, waking me with a shudder. My room is filled with a dull, Winter's morning light, the thick comforter on my bed is making me feel hot but my body is cold and clammy from sweat, my breathing laboured as I try to settle myself. Sam's arms are wrapped tightly around me, holding me close to his chest, I breathe in his scent and feel a calm wash over me.

"It was just a dream" I've never had a dream feel so real, I've never been able to feel or smell anything in a dream.

"It's the trial baby, it's stirring on your mind but you're safe, Carson can't get you" Sam reassures me, assuming that my dream was much like the ones that came after Carson was arrested. The trial, which was starting today, was the real nightmare that none of us could escape from.

Bridget had been on edge for the past week, snapping at everyone around her and starting petty fights. We all understood it was because of the trial, the constant reminder that she would have to face Carson again, so none of us took her attacks personally. She had broken down so many times, letting the fear creep in, she was so afraid that he would be set free and come after her, seeking revenge and the closer the trial got the worse she became.

A high pitched scream came from down the hall, I was on my feet and out the door so fast, running to Bridget's room, Sam trailing behind me. I flung open her door to find Bridget, sobbing in Dad's arms. He had started sleeping on a blow up mattress on her floor when the nightmares had started, he wanted her to feel protected, safe and secure, he also knew that he wouldn't be able to get to her quickly in his state of fitness.

Bridget had also started seeing Daniel at the clinic, she had had two sessions so far and she said it made her feel better to get it out, just to be able to talk about her anxiety and fears and she showed me some of the copping methods he was teaching her, so that I too could help her when she reaches that state of full blown panic attack.

I took a seat beside her on her bed, taking her trembling hand in mine and spoke to her in a calm, soothing tone.

"Bridget, deep breaths, in and hold it and then release." She followed my lead but her breathing was ragged at first as she struggled to gain control over it. "Close your eyes, I want you to picture the beach, the warm sand crunching between your toes, the waves crashing against the shoreline, imagine the salty sea air blowing in your hair as we make a giant sand castle together. Can you see it?"

"Yes, there's shells on the sandcastle and a moat" Her breathing has calmed, she opens her eyes and gives me a small smile. 

"Whenever you get scared today I want you to imagine us at that beach, just you and me, safe" I tuck her hair behind her ear. "That's our happy place, no one can hurt us there remember?" She nods her head.