STUDY BUDDIES. | hajeongwoo

47.

jeongwoo couldn't believe everything as his eyes widened in utter surprise and defeat, and a hint of betrayal, as he looked around in spite of the cloud that formed in his eyes that are trying hard enough to carry. he couldn't look at it again either, as it broke his heart, and the only question left inside his mind was the word why.

what he saw was rather heartbreakingㅡ too hard for his case as he found the courage to look at it again with his trembling, inexperienced hands. his blood ran cold, tears flowing down and straining his rosy cheeks as he tried his hardest not to release a sob.

"happy anniversary, ruto!"

it was a simple phrase, a greeting that could turn each hearts run in bewilderment and chaos, but his case wasn't the same. why is someone, ever so familiar for his eyes to cry out, greet his supposed lover a happy anniversary?

although he tried not to form surmises again, stupid conclusions, and restrain his in denialsㅡ his mind could no longer take it. he is making a fool of himself if that's the case, not when he already looked like a fool from the start. no, he isㅡ he's been fooled all this time.

rubicunds, ruddy ornaments and decors wrapped and embellished in scented papers that smells like the blushing roses under the heating sun sure would make everyone fall in love and feel romantic.

but for his case, it was as if the ominous thorns of roses were pierced right on his heart with such no mercy, and the redness that greeted his eyes felt so sanguine, and gloomyㅡ nothing but a venom for his heart to even take.

right when he saw haruto plaster a smile in the picture he found, it was as if he lost his own purpose for being there with him. for loving him, for trying to make him smile, for everything to make haruto feel like he is special and deserve all the love he could even gather.

that was his goal. but what good will it cause him to stay with him when he already has someone who could make him feel special, twice better than his care?

it was the questioned that continued to circle around his mind, and he knew that he lost.

when his eyes landed on the person beside him, it only caused him to bring more tears to crowd. his heart turned serried in a second, as if the oxygen he's been trying to acquire to continue living ceased to seep on his. she was familiar, noㅡ he knows her, so well that it caused him nothing but lament for himself.

"hey, can you return this to the library?" jeongwoo turned around upon the call, before nodding at his senior and taking the books on his hands and then going outside of his classroom to proceed on the library.

it wasn't that crowded, considering that it was late in the afternoon, and it would take not a few minutes for the sun to set. he returned it just in time as he flashed the librarian with a faint smile, before going through each shelves to browse as he awaits for doyoung to come.

it was delighting, browsing through such interesting books that never fails to pick his interest. they were new books, too. but as he continued to sashay and look for more books, a certain one picked to his interest. he picked it out in an instance, before reading the title plastered.

"a way to love."

ah. it was the novel that every girl knows in the area. it was a popular novel, never failing to make every lass squeal in happiness while reading each words printed. and no, jeongwoo was not interested in such. he's been always keen to medical books and related, but now that a certain person came to mindㅡ he only found himself gripping the book on his hands.

he opened it, for a moment, before reading the log and saw his name. eh? he read it before, and this has only caused jeongwoo to giggle. who would have thought that someone as intimidating as him would read a novel regarding to romance?

back when he was on track, ready to turn around and ask the librarian if he could borrow (and maybe convince not to tell anyone that he will), a certain shadowed figure caught his eyes. it enthralled him as he came closer, before regretting why he even did.

isn't that haruto?

why.. is he kissing someone?

jeongwoo's eyes widen in surprise as the sun's ray of light shone between the two of them, sharing such a kiss. he was certain he was him, kissing somebody else'sㅡ while he was dying as he continued to watch.

he ran, as far as he could, letting go of the book from his shaking hands as tears continued to brim on his eyes. who knows where his feet could bring, or when the pain on his heart finally subsides?

it was the last time he fell in love with him. but until today, the pain he thought would subside never did- it just continued to grow on his longing heart.

there was no doubt, it was the girl he kissed back during that excruciating afternoon.

so, after all this time, haruto was after her all along. after all the passed years of loving, he's still into her and never with him. if that was the case, what is jeongwoo for him? was he something to make his heart feel at ease? a temporary solution, the last option, or something to make his life at least interesting?

is that so, huh?

jeongwoo knew it was time to go, and so his hands hurried to pack all the stuffs he took out from his bag with trembling hands and streaming tears. he never cared whether haruto wonders where the hell did he go to, or if he needed care especially now that he's sick. he, definitely, had no obligation to take care of someone else right when he is the one extremely hurting.

at least, just this once, he'd focus on himself rather than everyone else.

he found himself making his way towards the outside, never had any of courage left to look back before he could change his mind, as he left the place as fast as he possible. and if only he could, then maybe he'd at least leave all of his feelings behind along with him, and never return again.

if only it was that easy, then he wouldn't be crying.