STUDY BUDDIES. | hajeongwoo

51.

it took haruto a minute to process what just happened. maybe because it was the alcohol kicking in that temporarily blocked the way his mind would process, or because he just couldn't believe how jeongwoo would throw something so significant that easily.

haruto couldn't believe it, neither did jeongwoo, as the only thing he could do was to gasp in shock upon giving up to something the voice in his head would say— it did nothing but to only add fuel to the fire.

"haruto, i—" jeongwoo fumbled, knowing so well that he had to apologize but then the resentment that resides him caused him to halt his actions before he could go and apologize. and haruto expected for more, he did, because he just couldn't understand why jeongwoo would go to such lengths to break his heart.

haruto stood there for a long one minute, unable to register what just happened. but when he finally did, all he could do was to chuckle bitterly— in hopes that it was a dream, that he heard him wrong— that maybe, just maybe, jeongwoo still love him just like how he does.

the only thing haruto could do was to trick his mind and be in denial, as he walked towards the bracelet in serpentine, tears already brimming on his eyes as he continued to reach out to it, and maybe to him.

jeongwoo could only do nothing but to cover his mouth with his hands, tears flowing as much as the other as they continued to tear each other apart. was it pride, or was it pain? neither the both of them knew because the only thing that was visible was void the both of them couldn't fill.

"jeongwoo," haruto called after crouching down and finally reaching out to hold the bracelet, trying to muster a smile that turns out to be sham. his voice was all broken, he couldn't even make it as strong as he thought it would be— nothing could hide the pain he was feeling no matter how much he tries to hide.

"don't throw it so easy as if it's not important."

it may have sounded bold and cold that would send shivers down his spine in fear, haruto still managed to tell him that statement like it was just a mere reminder, and that he shouldn't do it again. it was as if he was scolding a child, ever so calm, despite all the catastrophe that happened inside.

jeongwoo doesn't like it, or maybe he does.

haruto stood up before proceeding towards him, and jeongwoo couldn't afford to stay aeay or back off any longer. "jeongwoo, here."

haruto reached out to clasp jeongwoo's wrist and place the bracelet on his palm before closing it with his fingers, so tight as if he was trying to say to never let it go again. "you didn't mean it, right?"

jeongwoo could only reply in silence, unable to understand anything except for haruto's facade. he knew he was trying so hard to be brave and unaffected because haruto said so— that if ever jeongwoo would be in pain, he would try to shelter him, even if it hurts.

and jeongwoo couldn't help but cry his eyes out in regret, too much guilt for him to handle— stuck in the helplessness of conflict between no one but himself.

the tanned male could only stand there alone in the algid and serene night, seeing the one he's been chasing for years to walk away, until he became out of his reach and drift away from his sight as if he was never there.

"jeongwoo, what's going on with you?" doyoung could barely catch up to the male who's walking pace was uncontested, as if trying to run away and head home as fast as he could even manage.

its been five days after the club incident, and they are back to school after a whole week of break. exam week, to be exact, and jeongwoo wasn't already doing well.

"didn't you listen to professor kim? you might fail this term! seriously, what have you been doing?" the older male could only heave a sigh and shake his head in disapproval while trying to match his pace with the other who is visibly agitated by the other's scolding.

the tanned male knew he wasn't doing well. accompanied by the lack of focus and time after the predicament with haruto, jeongwoo's mind has far off blown away and carried to who knows where. and he just couldn't bother to fix his concentration, even trying to end the session with haruto and now facing another impasse to fill his financial payments, and even thinking whether haruto was doing well with his exams when he should focus more on himself.

his mind has been completely occupied that none of the discussions he studied for days was remembered. but the only thing jeongwoo knew was that he's not even bothered, and it doesn't matter— because nothing matters to him anymore, ever since.

"jeongwoo! listen to m—" doyoung, before he could even go for another round of constant scolding, was stopped by a phone call. jeongwoo doesn't even know whether he shoukd be thankful for interrupting the younger's bickers before unlocking his phone and seeing an unknown number that made him furrow his brows.

answering the call, jeongwoo waited for the caller to extend her intention before realizing what the other had said.

"doyoung!" jeongwoo exclaimed, breathing being ragged after the call has ended, unable to process what the caller had said as his feer itched to run towards the hospital where he was informed that his mother is in a critical condition, desperately calling towards the other in hopes for help and reassurance.

"yeah? what's wrong—" the tanned male's reaction made doyoung to panic, only to see the latter already bolting towards the exit of the school's premises after realizing that he couldn't waste any of his time to explain what just happened when he also doesn't know as doyoung could only call his name from far away, desiring to know what just happened.

jeongwoo could only run as fast as he could in desperation as his heart drowned in further darkness, unable to fully grasp everything, and to fully understand what was happening to him. all this constant dilemmas, problems even he couldn't solve— isn't misfortune hitting him way too much?

just when the tanned male could even run as far as he could and get closer to the said building known to be quite a kilometer away from where he is, what jeongwoo caught from his peripheral vision made him stop in disbelief.

"jeongwoo!" the japanese called, grinning in happiness as if nothing happened. as if everything is normal, like cracks didn't make its way towards their hearts— as if its a fine day for him to appear when he doesn't want to see him in this moment, jeongwoo could only clench his fist in turmoil.

"what the heck are you doing here, haruto?!" with all of his might, jeongwoo could only exclaim at the top of his lungs, attracting more people to stare at them in confusion. haruto couldn't fathom it at all, why he was so eager to push him away when he just appeared— as if jeongwoo doesn't want to see him anymore.

a few more pants before jeongwoo would continue, and maybe it was safe to tell that haruto doesn't want him to continue at all. no matter how much he tries to squeeze out every last ounce of affection left inside jeongwoo's heart, he couldn't— maybe because there's nothing left anymore.

"will you please just go away?! i don't want to see you again!"

and with that, jeongwoo ran away from haruto, again.