STUDY BUDDIES. | hajeongwoo

43.

"haruto? haruto? come on, why are you drunk?"

jeongwoo heaved a sigh when he did not hear a response coming from the other who's almost lying unconscious on his arms, senses not coming in that he did not even recognized the male who's currently talking to him. as much as he wanted to push the male away, not knowing that it was jeongwoo, he no longer had the strength to do so.

jeongwoo was worried sick, he was becoming more of a worrywart especially to haruto who's been gone for a few days— with no communication, not hearing anything about him. and when he was already this close to knowing, haruto would not respond just like that, and it exhausts him.

however, that was not the case. he had enough patience to wait for his heart to open up for him, but it doesn't mean that he's not getting exhausted day by day. nonetheless, he paid attention, maybe a clue as to why this boy right here is wasted right on his hold.

"haruto, its jeongwoo. come on, let's go home, okay?" jeongwoo looked up, people getting wasted and drunk greeting his gaze. it wasn't a pleasant sight, and haruto looking up at him for the first time today with an uncanny look on his eyes— regret, guilt, a look he couldn't quite pick up. but one think that he knew so well, it wasn't as pleasant as how his ocean eyes would look when their eyes meet before.

"jeongwoo.." a croaking voice came from the other, his voice desperately wanting for liquid to satisfy his thirst despite taking a few shots of vodkas and tequilas. his hopes seems to scintillate when he could see a few peaks of the familiar visage, and haruto had never felt this secure before.

jeongwoo frowned upon the sight. he has never seen haruto this disheveled and wasted before, completely not sober, but a few drops of sweats dripping from the sides of face was embellished. however, it was not the time to admire him especially at this crucial time.

"haruto, tell me what happened this time," jeongwoo started, a voice desperate enough to reach his, before leaning in closer to fix the other's clothes and his hair to look at least decent. what he looked like currently isn't that bad at all. in fact, it was another sight of him that he wanted to see— a hotter side of him, for the least. he couldn't help but accolade.

it took quite a few minutes to get a respond of him, his brain slightly becoming unresponsive. "h-home, let's go home.."

jeongwoo couldn't help but be emollient upon seeing his vulnerable side. the same strong, intimidating, cold haruto he knew was replaced with the urge of wanting assurance, sensitivity— a sense of being frail and fragile. although he did not know the details, yet, he could see the pain and ire burning on his eyes. and this has only caused him to know more.

jeongwoo carefully wrapped the other's arm around his neck before slowly standing up to regain balance, bearing the other's weight. it wasn't as heavy as he expected, however it was heavy enough to carry— just not for a male's weight.

he did not utter a single word, he won't anymore. he'll just wait for the other to open up, slowly, until the thorn on his heart is eased. that's what he planned as they walked out of the loud club, haruto being drunk making their walking much slower, before they could finally inhale fresh air from the zephyr of the cold night. 

yoshinori did left the key of haruto's car so they could go home, and jeongwoo did have driving skills but not enough to consider it usual. he got it from the teachings of his brother, though it was stopped when they both had to part ways. nonetheless, the tanned male carefully made their way to the vast parking lot and look for haruto's car.

until recently, just a few seconds that did not even register inside his mind as abrupt as it happened, he only found himself pinned on the wall by him again. and what? he still had the strength to force him to feel so little, reminding him of dominance at such a weird timing.

jeongwoo's wide eyes scanned the male in front of him. he wasn't as stable as he is, considering that he was drunk, and the smell of alcohol coming from his ragged breathes made him even more worried. why was he breathing faster than usual? it was as if he was panting as he desperately catched oxygen to go on with his life.

"haruto, what's wrong—"

"i'm sorry."

jeongwoo pursed his lips into a thin line, his words cut by a sentence of apology. but why? he had no idea, and it seems like haruto is having difficulty forming his words to even continue. is it hesitance, or the rapid breathing? he doesn't know, but he continued to wait for him to finish.

"i— jeongwoo, listen," haruto exhaled, closing his eyes for a matter of second before opening, the looks on his eyes did not change even for a bit. and jeongwoo couldn't help but falter from his hold, although he was the person who had the urge to take care of his frail figure. he waited as what the other has instructed, impatience growing bigger and bigger before he could even lose.

"i tried, jeongwoo i tried," haruto added, rendering jeongwoo to feel nothing but confusion. he grew hatred over the feeling when he started being with him, not knowing an actual drop on what he is saying. it seemed serious, for the latter, but jeongwoo could no longer grip the thought on what haruto is uttering without having any idea as to what he is referring to.

"tried what, haruto?" jeongwoo creased his brows, his voice low and patient to give out assurance that its alright, and he can go on without anything hindering him.

"i'm sorry, i didn't do well. i.. i will try again," haruto assured, although he looked like a twit who's trying to regain the same intimidating aura that he usually had, trying to desperately mask everything as his sentence become even more redundant for jeongwoo to ease its confusion.

"even if i fail, will you.." haruto paused, his breathing becoming heavier as he looked down for a second before looking up on him in the eye, as brave as he could, and as strong as he could manage.

"even if i fail, will you stay with me..?"

jeongwoo looked at him with a look of admiration, of assurance. this was the first time haruto actually opened up with his worries, even if its not making any chronological sense, the urge of wanting assurance coming from him all this time made it clear for him to love him more. he wasn't the same haruto who would make him feel embarrassment and bashful every day, but the haruto whom he want to protect until his demise will come.

the tanned male, cupped the other's face as a few teardrops crept its way to dampen his hands. haruto is probably feeling embarrassed, but what he felt was way too powerful that he could no longer appear as brave as he could look. although jeongwoo does not understand, even a single thing that happened, what's pellucid to him is the fact that he's hurt and in pain.

they stayed like that for a few seconds before he could see haruto leaning in closer to him, and closer, and closer— until he could feel his plump lips pressed against his.

it sent an electrifying feeling on his sanity, shivers on his spine and a fast beating heartbeat as he saw the other being so close to him. it was a feeling that words couldn't even describe, but happiness— it was the happiest moment that happened on his life.

a matter of minutes before he could feel the other's lips moving with gentleness, amiable and delicate, as he could taste alcohol coming from the other. forsooth, it was bitter, but the closeness they shared and the sweetness of affection masked the bitterness of their pain and longing.

and as they part ways, jeongwoo wanted it to happen again. he was addicted as to how it actually tasted, and it was as if a part of him was diminished once he could no longer feel pressure on his. and it is ironic, sharing such an intimate action with haruto not being on his best state.

but it was a reminder that he had the other to lean on and share the heaviness of his emotion. a vow, that they will continue to overcome dilemmas until the end of their life.

it was the first kiss they shared, under the frigid, cold, night with each of their hearts beating despite pain.