STUDY BUDDIES. | hajeongwoo

54.

jeongwoo finally got a hold of haruto. 

it wasn't long. taking breaks after a few breakdowns right on the hospital he somehow disliked, he decided to dial his number again and again. because if he wouldn't, if he remains the same as being a coward, then nothing could be done. they'll end up breaking apart, it being inevitable, and somehow jeongwoo just doesn't know whether he should go on or not.

hearing haruto's voice from the call wasn't the same as before. heck, none of it feels the same as before. he would look just like how he usually do but in a closer detail, he's tearing apart— his voice isn't mellow, the freshness on his appearance wasn't there anymore— he was broken, more than anyone else, and he was the cause. 

he still doesn't know if appearing right in front of him would be a good choice. 

the nearby park was their meeting place. it wasn't that hard to convince the other for a talk either because its something that haruto has been wanting to do, and finally jeongwoo somehow finally got knocked out from his senses and attempt a conversation. its sudden, having to talk to him right now as he stood up, wiping excess tears that stained his feverish cheeks. 

he needed to excuse himself to his mother, saying he needed to go somewhere and his mother doesn't have to hear the details— she knew, and somehow felt proud upon seeing jeongwoo lower his vanity for the sake of their relationship. now the only thing he needs to do is how to put his feelings into words. 

never did he try letting out his dire emotions into words he knew he could no longer utter. he could have prepared himself for days at least, but no— he had no time handling the same agonizing emotions he even carries to sleep as he lies down his bed. he doesn't have to be so miserable wherever he goes to and blame himself for being so ill-fated. 

he doesn't want to feel any of these anymore. 

 he knew talking to him won't exactly relieve the wounds on his heart. scars don't heal fast, and he knew— but if ever their talk would turn out great, or if they deserve another chance, then it would be easy. 

so damn cold. jeongwoo  shivered as he meandered around the park at this bone-chilling night, feeling the winter fast approaching. his clothes weren't enough to give him warmth and as expected, only a few people can be seen wandering around at this time of the night. jeongwoo still hasn't figured out what to exactly say the moment he meets with haruto but decided to let it be instead. 

that was a wrong decision. 

his heartbeat continued to gallop as he looked for the male everywhere. he saw faint lights, a few street foods stalls, and even dogs that caught his attention before shrugging himself from the thought knowing that he had no time for dillydallying. he traipsed again, a few pants as he struggled to breath from the cold, before stopping himself from his tracks when he finally saw the person he was looking for. 

he swore he felt his heart skip a beat the moment his wandering gaze finally landed upon him. his heartbeat was thumping twice as fast as before, even fearing for having tachycardia. he was nowhere feeling as ready to conquer before he realized his feet was already dragging him towards the japanese' direction who hasn't noticed him just yet, as he feared for his life at this very moment. 

he wanted to fleet, as fast as he could, chickening out just by the sight of his lover. should you ever fear seeing someone close to you before? no. but in his case he knew he couldn't face him— not because he is his mutual, or there's something going on between the two of them, but because he did something so baneful that his conscience won't let him get any more closer until the end of his life.

but he had to. 

he was so close that haruto finally noticed the coming presence that stood in front of him. he turned to look at him, jeongwoo nervously asking if he could sit down next to him but with a considerable amount of space that shouldn't been there. if the situation is on the other way around them he would cuddle him under this arctic night, looking for warmth he knew only haruto could provide and there's nothing he could ever wish for except for closure.