Lie To Me

Part 49

Fred Weasley
Kit and I walked into my room and sat out on the balcony, a place we both used to love, a place where we could both talk and let go with each other.
But now it was different.
I didn't know her and she didn't know me.
Even though it hadn't been too long since I last saw her I could feel how different she was.
There was a sadness and brokenness there that I knew was partially my fault.
I hated seeing her like it.
And I hated that it was because of something I did. Something I did that was based on a lie.
Something I shouldn't have done.

"So, how are you?" I asked awkwardly as we both looked out to the horizon, looking deeply into the black of the night.
"Do you want the truth?" Kit sighed, not looking at me.
"I want the truth. And I want the whole truth Kit." I said and I watched as she closed her eyes for a moment before looking back out at the darkness.
"It's been hell. Once I lost you it was a downward spiral from there. I haven't eaten properly since god knows when, I was dragged back to help Draco and of course spending time with him didn't help emotionally. I have no parents, no one wants me, no one loves me, and Dumbledore is dead because I helped death eaters into the castle." She said and my heart broke.
"Kit i, I erm,"
"I don't need sympathy. It is what it is and I have to deal with it."
"You don't have to deal with it all on your own Kit. Let us help. Let me help."
"Fred I, I can't."
"Why?"

I watched as she closed her eyes again and I gently placed my hand on top of hers. I was surprised when she didn't pull away and the anxiety settled again inside me when she didn't fight it.
I knew I owed her an apology but I didn't know how to start.
I didn't want her to shut me down.
But I still had to do it.

"I know I owe you an apology." I sighed and I saw a small smile appear on her face. But as quick as it came it disappeared again.
I tugged at her hand and grabbed the other one, gently pulling her to face me.
"I am so sorry for the way I spoke to you that day. It was awful of me. And I'm sorry that I didn't believe you either. I should have believed you, knowing that Ron didn't like us together. And I'll forever regret that I didn't believe you and I spoke to you in that way." I said, making sure I kept my eyes firmly on hers.
"You're forgiven." She said and I felt my eyes widen not by intention.
"What? That was surprisingly easy."
"I'm too tired to be angry anymore Fred. I'm exhausted." She said, pushing out a sad smile.

It pained me to see her this way.
I just wanted to take her into my arms and hold her until it all went away.
But it wouldn't go away.
It was only going to get worse.

"So, are you and Malfoy a thing?" I asked, hoping deep down she would say no.
"We, erm, we kissed at the end of last term but, no. Not together." She sighed and I nodded awkwardly.
"Is there any chance that we could be what we were again?" I asked, my heart racing in my chest as I asked.
"You don't want me Fred." She scoffed and turned away.
"What makes you say that? I do. I think you're beautiful."
"I'm not the same as I was. You need to find someone, who's stable, and mature. You need someone who will find your pranks and boyish behaviour the most thrilling thing in the world. Someone who can help you out without having as many awful shitty problems that I do."

It was awful to say but I thought she was right.
I wanted to help Kit and I knew that if she let me I could help her.
But I feared it would dampen my mood and also, put me in danger.
She was beautiful, and I loved what we had but I know that I would be too much for her and she would be too much for me.
We were too unlike each other now.
And it's odd how it could get like this in a matter of a month or so.
But it had.
And I had to move on from it.

"Malfoy understands doesn't he. That's why you bond together" I said and she shrugged.
"I guess. I mean neither of us have the most cheerful pasts, or futures for that matter." She sighed and I shrugged.
"If you think you're futures going to be bleak then it will be. Only you can change it. Do you like him?" I asked.
"I don't know. I barely know anything anymore. I just need to focus on myself and whatever happens with my love love will happen on its own." She said and I smiled.
"I'll always be here for you Kit. I hope you know that. Even if you choose to be with Malfoy." I said and we both laughed a little before she squeezed one of my hands.
"Thank you Fred."