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❝ i am going to kill myself. ❞
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THERE IS ALWAYS A TIPPING POINT. A tipping point when you like someone, or love someone. Even though you always knew it wasn't going to happen, there is still that moment when it sinks in. The moment you realize that the person you want to be with more than anything else in the world and the person you love with every ounce of your being, will never feel the same way about you.
You realize that the person will not love you or hold you or kiss you the way you wanted. And then the good feeling is gone. The butterflies in your stomach leave and all you're left with a sinking heaviness and empty loneliness. And you realize that you are alone with your thoughts and they are doing just fine without you and you can't breathe and you want them to save you and come hold you close and tell you everything will be okay. But since you know that will never happen, it's just a sickness you want ripped out of your heart. And you want it to stop hurting, but you can't seem to get yourself to move on and you can't quite let go of your love and your desire and you want to hate them but you can't and then you realize that you are nothing to them and you are crazy and alone. And that feeling of hopelessness and meaninglessness—it lingers. And it stings. And it kills you.
Enola had lived in this moment for years. She hated this moment. And now the good feelings are fading exponentially and all she is left with is the pain and the emptiness of knowing Caroline Forbes will never love her back. She had a big heart and there was never enough room for her. And knowing that cut deep to the bone. But she knew there wasn't a thing she could do about it. Nothing but sit and watch her fall in and out of love with people who are not her. Though she knew that she had no right to complain. She had promised that her feelings would not affect their friendship. But it was a little too late for that.
"Damon hasn't said a word to me. Every time I try to talk to him, he shuts me down." Enola Gilbert was suddenly snapped out of her depressing train of thoughts by Stefan Salvatore. They stood in the hallway of Mystic Falls High School along with Elena Gilbert, waiting for the bell that would tell them it was time for their next class. And while the happy couple chatted away, Enola couldn't stop herself from staring longingly at Caroline from across the hall. It was sad and creepy, but she couldn't help it. She was in love. Has been since they were children.
"Do you think he's still trying to find Katherine?" Elena inquired.
"I don't know." Stefan sighed tiredly. "He waited one hundred and forty five years only to find out that Katherine couldn't care less. I mean, that's gotta hurt, right?"
