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❝ you compelled your own private runway show? ❞
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LIFE IS MEANT TO BE LIVED. Enola had decided to chase the things that ignited her. She had decided to do the things that bring her joy. She had decided to surround herself with the people who bring her back home to herself, with the people who respected her and embraced her in ways that make her feel worthy and accepted and loved.
She had to do the work to heal herself, even when it hurt—especially when it hurt—so that she did not continue to approach her life within the boundary of what is heavy within her. She had to put herself out there and she could not worry about what other people think, she could not rob herself or experience or happiness or inspiration because she is scared of how she will be perceived. She had to be unapologetic in the way that she existed. She had to believe that her ideas and her hope and her being deserves to take up space. She had to believe that she had purpose.
Because her existence is finite. And as hard as that is to understand, as hard as that can be to connect with, from time to time she had to remind herself that in the most human way: she is still living on borrowed time. She lived as if she was promised the experiences and the potential she is chasing. She lived as if she had control over what happened to her. But she didn't. And that is liberating because it is pressing—there is an urgency within this lesson. It was meant to wake her up. And it did. All thanks to Jenna.
"I am not breaking up with you. We were never together. You made sure of that." Enola explained through the cell phone. "And I am okay with that because I don't want to be with someone who is ashamed of me."
"I'm not ashamed of you," Caroline reasoned. "I'm just not—"
"Not ready," Enola finished. "I understand. This is your first thing with another girl. You are scared of what people will think. Which means you are ashamed."
"Enola, I love you." Caroline swore. "I just—I am insecure and scared and maybe a little ashamed, but I do love you."
"Prove it," Enola pushed.
"Excuse me?" Caroline blinked.
"If you love me, prove it." Enola continued.
"How?" Caroline frowned.
"That is entirely up to you," Enola hummed, checking the time. "I have to go."
"Wait—" Before Caroline could attempt to salvage what was left of this, Enola hung up the phone. She didn't want to end things like that, but she could no longer take it. She had felt like such an idiot when it came to the vampire. She had been in love with the blonde for as long as she could remember and it sometimes clouded her judgment. And when she had finally decided to let the blonde go, all it took was one soft smile and she was crumbling at her feet. She felt pathetic. Especially considering that they spent the duration of their relationship—a whole two months—pretending not to be in a relationship. Enola couldn't live like that. She wouldn't. Not when she spent her entire life loving her.
