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❝ i'm just having a moment. ❞
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HAPPINESS IS MEANT TO BE THIS BIG ALL CONSUMING THING. It is this moment that cracks open our rib cage and changes our lives and sweeps all of the weight inside of us away. This is supposed to be something awarded to us, gifted to us by the world. Something we are always in pursuit of until we find it. And so we are always waiting. Waiting for this experience, this moment where the wounds are all healed and growth is all organized neatly within our spines and our hearts aren't afraid of loving anymore and the warmth never leaves.
But Enola didn't think happiness was big or infinite at all. She thinks real happiness, true happiness, exists in the acceptance of the fact that we will always be balancing what is light and dark within ourselves. She thinks real happiness, true happiness, exists in the quiet. In the small things. In a morning cup of coffee. In the sound of your mothers voice on the other end of the phone. She thinks real happiness, true happiness, is believing that you are meant to take up space in the world. She thinks real happiness, true happiness, is finding the human beings that take care of you—not in the materialistic way, but rather take care of your soul—who take care of even the most chaotic parts of who you are. She thinks real happiness, true happiness, is around you, at all times, pinned and blooming in the things you stopped paying attention to because you were always searching for more. Flowers on your walk to work. The intensity in the air when you meet someone and you know that they are going to change your life. The way your stomach flips when you hear your favorite song.
Enola doesn't think happiness is something you find, or that it is a destination you get to where the night never comes and you are bulletproof and unaffected by the mayhem. She thinks the mayhem will always exist—we are literally made out of it—we wouldn't even be here if it weren't for the crashing and the banging of the Universe. No, she thinks happiness exists in the understanding that the pain holds just as much importance as the beauty. She thinks happiness exists in finding the things that make us feel known and special and at peace in this world, no matter how small and insignificant they feel and letting them save us. She thinks happiness exists in learning how to embrace the dark, in learning how to see it as the very thing that makes us appreciate the light.
"We're here."
Enola sat in the passenger seat of the vehicle as Elena drove them down a long dirt path. She smiled lightly when a familiar cabin came into view. This was happiness. This is where she belonged. It brought back so many memories. Good memories. Which was definitely a change from all the near death experiences. She inhaled deeply at the thought, leaning her head against the window when her phone buzzed in her back pocket. She reached for the device, smiling lightly when Caroline's name popped up on her phone.
