It was around 4 in the morning when I had woken up. I had only gotten two hours of sleep last night due to guilt. I moved around the apartment as quietly as I could. I didn't want to wake Alana up. It was hard enough for both us to say godbye last night, I didn't want to put her through even more pain. I grabbed my flight ticket and boarding pass making my way to the taxi that was waiting for me. I tossed my bags into the trunk of the car and looked back at the apartment once more before shutting the car door behind me. Looking out the window, the ride to LAX felt like a five minute walk, maybe it was becuase my head was still wrapped up in dumping Alana. I was happy for her, she was moving onto bigger and better things, but I was gonna miss her. I know, I'm an idiot for breaking up for her, but bros before hoes, not that Alana's a hoe, but.. well you get my point. I really didn't wanna be at the airport with lights flashing at me and people yelling my name. I had this feeling in my stomach. Everything that was happening in front of me was a blur. "Sir." Someone yelled shaking me out of it. "I need your passport." The man growled growing annoyed with me. "Oh right." I said pulling the blue booklet of out my backpack and handing it to him to scan. I looked around for the rest of my bandmates and we walked over to get some coffee and food grabbing a seat on a couch. I whipped out my phone and there was nothing. No new messages, no missed calls, this is the way it should be, easy. I can't risk someone else's feelings because of my career, that's just not fair to either of us. Because I had barely gotten any sleep, I tried to relax and take a nap before boarding the plane, but no matter how comfortable I was, my mind could not ease up on it's thoughts. I took a deep breathe feeling my eyes shut.
-
"Calum." Luke said shaking me making my eyes flutter open. "Come on dude, we've gotta board the plane." I groaned and stretched out my arms. I looked down at my phone for the time, I was only asleep for five minutes. I also saw that Alana had called me, so before getting in line, I called her back, she at least deserved that. "Lannie?" I asked as I heard her pick up on the other line.
"How could you not wake me up?!" She croaked causing my heart to pound with pain. "I wanted to say goodbye to you no matter how much I might hate you right now, I love you."
"Alana, I just didn't want to put you through all of this again."
"So you thought just up and leaving was a better choice?" Alana quizzed making a tear form in my eye. Stop crying Calum, I reminded myself.
"Alana, I love you. I'll always love you. I want to talk to you, but right now, I think the both of us just need a break. Go and enjoy London. I always knew how gorgeous you were, you just needed to see it. I love you so much goodbye." Before Alana could respond I clicked the end button causing my heart to burst, and not in a good way. I had to suck it up and pretend nothing was wrong. How do people do that? Put on a fake smile and wave pretending not to be breaking down. Inside I was a mess. I was counting down the hours until I could land in Australia to drink all of my sorrows away. I needed my mind to feel what the rest of me was feeling, numb. Yes, I was physically numb from pain. If I was feeling this way, I could only imagine what Alana was feeling. As soon as I started going down that road again I put my thoughts to a stop. This wasn't helping. I needed to just sleep. Once I was asleep, my mind wouldn't be awake.
-
Once we landed in Australia 14 hours later I was exhausted despite the sleep that I had caught on the plane. Looking at my surroundings I truly knew I wasn't in LA anymore and it hit me, I was starting fresh. No Alana, no groupies, just me and the band. I prayed that there wouldn't be any drama. I was so tried, physically and mentally. I was under. Being under the public eye, being under the "perfect" persona. Having to stay under the radar with my problems. As much as I loved my life,it's times like these where I really question, what would happen if I changed one thing. Like what if I didn't take advantage of Alana. What if I didn't join the band. What if I stayed around to fix things. My life would be less complicated. My life would be normal. What a forgein concept, normal. I couldn't remember when the last time I could say my life was normal. I place my bags onto the bed and open up the minifridge instantly pulling out a bottle of vodka taking a big swig and knowing right then and there that this is what I needed. I needed alcohol to fill the void that I had just opened up. I took another swig starting to feel better and better. I could feel my body beginning to relax and it was only going to be minutes before my mind when numb as well. I was finished with the travel vodka and then I moved over to the second bottle. I couldn't control myself and as much as I wanted to move on, I found myself feeling de ja vu when I remembered this is what I used to do before Alana forgave me. That night when she walked out of my life I drank, and sitting here I felt this feeling of severe pain realizing that I was becoming the old Calum again. Without Alana I felt like I was just buried under.
WELP, THAT'S IT. THANK YOU GUYS SO MUCH FOR READING THIS STORY. I HOPE YOU ENJOYED IT. SORRY FOR ENDING IT ON A SAD NOTE, BUT THAT'S HOW LIFE GOES CHA KNOW. PS: IF YOU GUYS WANT I CAN WRITE AN EPILOUGE. I LOVE YOU GUYS SO MUCH.
YOU ARE READING
Roller-coaster ride : c.h.
FanfictionAlana South was the "it" girl from Sydney, Australia. When her first "relationship" failed, her writing career took off. She was published on the best-sellers list. So she packed her things and moved to L.A. She's now striving through life, but will...
