Truth Untold | Hopejinkook ✔️

Nineteen

Dear Hoseok,

It's me, Seokjin. I had no plans on writing to you, but for my peace and for me to move forward, I need to get these things off my mind. It doesn't help for me to say them to anyone else but you because no one else can understand what I suffered with you.

I once thought we were perfect together, and you were my person, and I was yours. I held onto you even with all the abuse because I had hope in us. I was hoping you would change. It's not that I couldn't see what you were doing, I could, and that's the part that tears me apart each day because, at some point, I chose you over myself, giving you the power you needed to do the things you did to me.

These past two years, I realized something hard for me to accept, but I had to come to terms with reality, and it's that I gave up on myself during our time together, but I never gave up on you. I did whatever you wanted, giving you the power to treat me how you wanted. I aborted the only kids I will ever be able to have because it was what you wanted. I allowed you to use fear and conquer me. How foolish of me.

Can I be honest with you? I am angry at the time sentence you received; I wish it were a lifetime of imprisonment as knowing you get the chance to come back out and live makes me sad. You don't deserve happiness; you deserve to be alone for the rest of your life. It will be hell for anyone who comes to know you.

"What are you doing?" Jungkook questioned, surprising Jin, who was typing away on his laptop by the dining table.

Jungkook was spending yet another night by Jin and had just finished taking a shower in the guest bedroom when he came into the dining room to find Jin stabbing away at his keyboard. The look on Jin's face and how he was jamming his fingers at the keyboard concerned him.

Jin looked up from his computer, glancing over at Jungkook, "I-I am reading a new script."

"Really? I thought you were typing and seemed pretty angry. Is it a bad script?" Jungkook was nowhere near convinced that Jin was reading a script.

A sigh leaves Jin, and he leans into his seat, "fine, I am writing a letter to Hoseok."

"Oh, okay."

"Wait, that's it, you are not going to ask me what I am writing?"

Jungkook shook his head, "no, it's personal. I am sure if you want me to know, you will tell me."

"I want him to know how I feel! I want him to understand my anger and every scar he has left me with. He needs to know that little time in jail is nothing compared to what he did to me! He needs to know this Jungkook like he can't come skipping out of jail thinking he did his time and he can go back to living life like a human because he is not a human! Not after everything he did to me...."

Jungkook stood and listened to Jin, letting him go on about what he wanted to write to Hoseok and for him to understand after he was done, he stayed quiet and observed Jin.

"Why aren't you saying anything? You think I shouldn't write to him?" Jin didn't like that Jungkook was silent; he wanted his thoughts on what he was doing.

Jungkook walked over to him, taking a seat across from Jin, pushing his hand across, closing the laptop so he could look at Jin. "If writing him a letter will make you feel better and help with your healing, then write it. However, don't expect that it will make him understand how you feel; he, as your abuser, can never know what you feel. He never once cared about how you felt; that's why he did everything he did, not caring about the damage to you. He can't understand your anger, and I know you want him to, but he can't not to the magnitude that you want him to. So as long as you don't expect getting a written letter back and you are doing this to let your feelings out to move forward. Then I say do it, but if you are doing it to get a response and a written apology, I say think about it and what it will mean to you if it goes unanswered."

Jin was now silent as he stared at Jungkook. He wasn't exactly sure what it was he wanted. Things had been going okay for him, but today he had a triggering moment as he was reminded of his miscarriage, and he got angry, and he didn't know what to do with that anger.

Jungkook got up from his seat and walked towards Jin, pulling up from his and directed him towards the living room. Pulling Jin down to sit with him, he hugged him. "What's bothering you that you want to write to him?"

"I-I am just angry that I never stood up for me and gave him so much control over my life. Now, look at me; I am scarred all over. I hate it so much. No one is probably ever going to want to be with me. I am all alone-"

"Alone, then what am I a stone?"

Jin looked at Jungkook and frowned, "I am sorry I didn't mean anything towards you, but I know you have been kind to me, and I have learned it's who you are, probably with you being a doctor and all. However, I know you are not here forever. You will soon have to go your way. You are a great person, Jungkook, and truthfully, I wish I had focused more time in my life to know the difference between a great person versus a fucked up person, but I didn't. Now I am damaged and right where I will probably be for the rest of my life."

"I don't get it though, Seokjin; what would make you believe I have intentions of going somewhere? My kindness towards is not solely because I am a doctor and I want to do good; yes, in the beginning, it was because I cared and it bothered me to see you enduring what you were, but after everything, it's not what has kept me wanting to be around you. Seokjin, I am here everyday by choice, not because I think you are pitiful or want to show you sympathy. I am here because I want to be. I like you a lot; you are an amazingly unique person. I have an interest in you that goes beyond friendships, but I never said anything because I want things to be on your time, not my time."

"You like me?"

"I do, have for a long time now and still do."

Jin couldn't take his eyes from Jungkook; he was trying to process everything. He had been drawn to Jungkook for some time now, it's his reason for initiating kisses with him and requesting for him to spend the night, but he never thought Jungkook saw in that way, mostly after he had seen him in every other way. He knew him at his very worst; who could possibly want him after seeing him like that, he couldn't imagine it, but if Jungkook were telling him he liked him, he would believe it because Jungkook never once lied to him, even when he wanted him to.

"I like you too."

Jungkook smiled as Jin's words were like music to his ears; he hugged him tightly, kissing him on his forehead, "would it be too much if I asked you to be my boyfriend?"

Jin pulled back and stared at Jungkook, "Stop, you are going to make me cry."

"I am serious, Seokjin."

Jin leaned his head in tears against Jungkook's chest, shaking his head as he mumbled a yes. Jungkook smiled and rubbed his hand against his back, feeling at ease that Jin had accepted him. He always knew good things come to those who were patient.