Without Me (kagehina)

Chapter 21

"Get home safe! And don't forget, we don't have practice tomorrow." Daichi announced as the team exited the bus, just outside of Karasuno.

Kageyama stood beside Hinata, who looked as though he could pass out. His face was a pale, milky white, and he seemed shaky on his feet. Kageyama held both his and Hinatas bag when he averted his gaze from his boyfriend, to tsukishima, who approached them just after saying goodbye to Yamaguchi.

"I'll take him home. I left my car here so he won't need to walk." Tsukishima stated, only getting Kageyamas narrowed eyes in response. He sighed, speaking again "Did you want to accompany him? Hell, you can stay the night and keep watch. I don't know how to prove to you that Hinata is perfectly fine living with me."

"Since you offered" Kageyama looked around "...Which car is yours?" Tsukishima rolled his eyes, not expecting the king to so boldly accept his half-real suggestion. "Silver one." He pointed, giving attention to the expensive looking car in the driveway.

Kageyama huffed under his breath and followed tsukishima, who was walking towards the car. Hinata followed slowly behind, but still keeping pace.

Everyone got in, tsukki in the drivers seat, Kageyama in the back seat and Hinata in the front passengers seat, which Kageyama wasn't very fond of and wanted to be next to his boyfriend.

The drive was mostly quiet. Kageyama observed Hinata from behind, seeing how he played with his fingers in order to keep them from shaking and only stared down in his lap. Tsukishima obviously stayed silent, he preferred the quiet.

•••

"Alright, we're here." Tsukishima stated and got out, Kageyama exiting the car just after. Hinata slowly opened the door and got out, weakly shutting the door. Tsukishima went to unlock the front door while Kageyama went to help Hinata in the house, though he was shooed away, still not wanting to be touched by Hinata.

"Follow me and don't touch anything." Tsukishima said as he began walking to his room. Kageyama followed just behind Hinata.

Once there, Hinata fell onto tsukishimas bed and covered himself with a blanket, curling into a ball. Tsukishima walked up to him and softened his tone a bit, but not too much since he was in front of Kageyama "Hinata, what's wrong? If you talk, I can help as best I can." Hinata didn't move but instead began silently crying under the blanket, making sure he couldn't be heard.

If anything, he didn't know what would help. All he had was a nightmare but it felt too real to shake off. And the feeling of being touched by someone was so alarming and uncomfortable, even if it was by his own boyfriend. He didn't know what to do. If he told them about his dream, Hinata feared that they wouldn't take him seriously and say it wasn't real and he was fine...which was true but...he didn't feel fine.

And then, the thoughts started again. The invasive, dark, and unwanted horrible thoughts. He hated them, they made Hinata want to flip a switch off to end them. He had considered it before; suicide. Back when the beatings were the worst and he felt there was nothing to save him from the hell he was living through.

'If you stay quiet, they'll eventually leave you alone ~ we can even go back to our old habits, wouldn't that be fun?' Hinata tried to ignore it as best he could but the voice only grew louder in his mind 'Cmon shoyo, all you have to do is get them away from you and we can relieve that hellish, mental pain of yours, hmm? I know you want to...Hinata.'

Hinata made a fist and dug his nails into his palms, trying to reach a decision. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he knew it was the wrong choice, but right now, he only wanted to do what he knew would work.