Our Journey Of Love (Completed)

19. Fears and Insecurities

TAMARA'S POV:

I got ready to go out. I wore a simple yellow kurta on white leggings. While I am braiding my hair, I heard my phone ringing. But I did not pay much attention. My thoughts are focused on the task in my hands. I packed my lunch box and put the necessary items in my backpack. I unplugged my phone from the charger and took a look at the screen. It is Ram who called me. I contemplated whether to call him or not. But I decided to give him a call now because I don't know when I will be free again today. He answered my call within the first two rings.

"Hello, Ram! Good morning" I said in a sleepy voice and faked a yawn.

"Oh, are you still sleeping?" he asked.

"Yeah, why?" Please don't tell me you have some plans for us today. I chanted in my head.

"Nothing important. Do you want to meet today?" he asked. Not today Ram, I have some work, but I cannot tell this to him. I am so sorry, Ram, I am telling lies to you.

"Can we meet tomorrow during lunch? I am not in a mood to step out of my apartment today." I said.

"Oh, okay then. No problem. I will call my friends here. Take care. Call me if you need anything,"

"Okay, Ram. Bye, enjoy yourself with your friends. I am going to enjoy my sleep," I said in a sleepy voice and ended the call.

After that, I boarded the bus and reached my destination. The sight in front of me is heart-touching. Some children are playing, and some are studying. They can do whatever they like today since it is a holiday. I silently walked towards the kitchen, where Kamala is preparing lunch.

"Nice smell, Kamala. Can I have the taste of it?" I asked her. She was startled due to my sudden interruption.

"There you are. I am waiting for you, Tamara. I am preparing chicken curry for lunch. Have a taste of it," she forwarded a spoonful of gravy.

"Wah! Super Kamala. You outdid all the so-called five-star restaurants out there," I complimented. Maybe it is too exaggerating. But she is a wonderful cook, and there is no doubt in it. She is a far better cook than me.

"Nice joke, Tamara. How are you doing? What did you bring this time?" She asked me.

"I am fine. I made Gulab jamun with the help of my roommate yesterday. I hope that they will like it."

"They will like whatever you bring. Go and distribute. Should I help with anything?"

"No. You can continue preparing lunch. I will handle it," after saying that, I turned on my heel and walked into the main room.

As soon as I entered the main hall, Latha came running towards me and hugged my knees. Latha is five years old cutie-pie. I had learned that her father left her mother when Latha was born. Her mother couldn't raise her alone due to financial issues and left her in this place when she is six months baby. In fact, every other person here has some or the other story.

"Hello, cutie pie. How are you?" I asked her. By now, everyone turned towards me. I showed them the bowl full of Gulab jamuns that I made for them. Their eyes lit up by seeing that. They got happiness from the small gestures also. My heart warmed by seeing this.

I spent my day with those little angels. They might not fight in the war for our country, but they fought more than that with their lives. They are the little fighters. I hope that they all reach great heights. It is almost six in the evening. I decided to take leave for the day. I went to Kamala and gave her my donation. Every month I do the same. I started doing this as soon as I got my first salary. After that, I boarded a bus and fell into deep thought.

No one from my friends or family knows about this. I just don't want them to know. I am scared that they will figure out the real reason behind this. This is something which I am carrying for a long time. I had an excuse for not telling my parents and friends. I don't want to make them feel guilty or pity. I am a strong woman, and I know how to deal with it.

But here comes Ram. I don't know whether I should tell him or not. And most importantly, how should I tell him. I am feeling like I am betraying him. I always act like a strong woman. Some even think that I don't have feelings. But no one knows the real me. No one knows about the inner demons I am fighting with. For once, I feel that someone should fight for me with my inner demons, and that should be my Ram. I want to show him my vulnerable side. I want to tell him about my insecurities. I want him to know about my silly fears. And above all, I want him to accept me with all my faults.

I haven't even noticed that the bus halted at my stop. If it is more than 10 seconds, the bus would have started again. Thank god! I got out of the bus. I suddenly felt an urge to see Ram and have a talk with him. My need to see Ram overpowered every other logic thrown at me by my mind. Without thinking twice, I boarded a bus to go to Ram's place.

I came back to reality only after seeing Ram's apartment door. It is locked. I rang his doorbell two times, but no answer. What if he had gone to Pranav's place or his other friend's house. What the hell I was thinking while coming here. Clearly, I was not thinking anything. I am so stupid. I decided to leave from there. But this time, my brain gave me a sensible suggestion. Call him before leaving. I took my phone and dialed his number. He answered the call on the last ring.

"Hello, Ram. Where are you?" I asked him. There is so much noise coming from his side.

"Hey, Tara! Can I call you after 10 minutes? I am returning to my room now." he said and disconnected the call.

Yay! He is coming. It will take 10 minutes for him to reach. So, before that, I decided to order some food. I am damn hungry. I ordered rotis and chicken curry and rasmalai for dessert from the nearby restaurant. And then, I heard the motorbike sound. I moved into the dark. When he came and opening the door, I made a booing sound. His expressions worth a million dollars. He came back to normal after some time.

"What the. What are you doing here?" he asked me.

"Just came to say hi to you. But it seems that you don't want me to be here. Okay, I will leave then," I said in a sad tone and pretended to leave. He held my hand and stopped.

"Don't do overacting. Come, let us go inside." with that, he dragged me inside.

"Someone said that they are not in a mood to step outside. Then why are you here now?" he asked in a bored tone. If I say that I missed him, it will boost his already large ego.

"I came to check what you are doing today. Whether you are enjoying without me or sulking in the corner of your room," I replied hotly.

"What a lie. Please don't bother to tell me lies next time, okay. You will get caught," he said will snaking his arm around my waist. I blushed hard. He knows me too well.

"Why are you lowering your head, my love. I missed you too," he whispered while kissing near the corner of my lips. I turned my head and kissed him hard on the lips. I don't know when but salt tears dropped from my eyes. My fears, my insecurities, everything came in the form of tears. He was quite shocked.

"What happened, Tara. Why are you crying?" he asked me. He is legit worried now. But I don't want to answer him. So, I went on crying more.

He scooped me in his arms and carried me towards the couch. He sat in an Indian style and made me sit on his lap. I circled my arms around his neck and rested my head in the crook of his neck while crying. He started uttering soothing words in my ear while holding me protectively in his embrace. I felt safe. I slowly drifted to sleep and forgot about the food order. I hope Ram wakes me up once the order arrives. With that, my mind went to la-la land.

Thank you so much for reading.

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