After Him

The love that I knew wasn't like the ones written in a book. It wasn't beautiful and magical. It doesn't bring butterflies in my stomach and it doesn't make me feel special.

It doesn't feel like home, I do not feel secured. It does not make me feel safe and worthy.

The love that I experience doesn't feel like love.

I'm not really sure if it is love because it made me doubt, insecure and unloved.
And all I experience was pain. No it was torture.

To see him love someone else when all I could do is to love him and let him love her.

Now I don't know if I could ever love someone else,
After him.