Toxicity

26

AMELIAS POV
Dear Amelia,
I'm not sure if you'll get this. I'm mailing it to Derek and Meredith's house. They might trash it. But I just wanted to say I'm sorry. I'm sorry for everything. I'm sorry for getting you addicted to drugs. We should have never started drugs two years ago. That's on me. I was the older one and I knew better. I shouldn't have dragged you down with me. I shouldn't have gotten you hooked on oxy and smoking cigarettes. I'm sober now. It was extremely hard in jail. I don't know how you did it in rehab. I hope you're sober. I hope you're okay. I hope you're safe. I want to apologize. I could blame everything on the drugs but I won't. Yes, I was high, but I took advantage of you when I knew better. I should have never assaulted you. I was wrong. I should have never violated or hit you. I took advantage and I'm sorry. I know you have no reason to forgive me. And I don't expect you too. You shouldn't. Seeing you upset in court broke me. I shouldn't have ever treated you how I did. You're amazing, beautiful, brilliant, and kind. You deserve someone who will treat you like a princess, because I failed at that. I hope you're okay and happy. I hope you're sober. I want you to know that I still love you. I'll always love you, but I hope you're happy. Maybe you're with Link I don't know. He was always nice to you. You deserve a good guy. Link is 100 times the gentleman I'll ever be for you. I'm sorry I let you down and caused you a lot of pain. I hope to see you again. I can have visitors, but it's probably not the best idea, but if you feel like writing back, I'll attach the address at the bottom.
-Ryan Kerrigan

I froze as I looked at it. Wow. I don't think I could ever forgive him, but it was nice he reached out.
"You okay?" Meredith asked as she walked in with Derek.
"Yeah," I said and folded the note, "everything's fine."
"What did it say?" Derek asked.
"None of your business," I said.
"Okay," Derek said.
"Do you think it's possible I could write something back?" I asked.
"I don't know," Meredith said and looked at Derek.
"Why do you want to write him?" Derek asked.
"Closure," I said.
"Okay," Derek said, "do you have the mailing address?"
"Yeah," I said.
"Okay," Meredith nodded. I walked upstairs and I had to call Link. I couldn't respond to Ryan's letter and not tell Link. I clicked on his contact and held the phone to my ear.
"Hey," I said.
"Hey," Link said, "everything okay?"
"Ryan wrote me a letter," I said.
"Oh?" Link said.
"Yeah uh I opened it and read it and can I respond?" I asked.
"Are you asking me for permission?" He chuckled.
"I'm asking if it's okay with you, since he's my ex and all," I said.
"Do whatever feels right for you and whatever you want to do," Link said.
"He wants me to actually visit him but I can't do that. I don't ever want to see him again but I think I need closure in talking to him," I said.
"Then do that," Link said, "I'll support you with whatever decision you make."
"Thank you Link," I said.
"You're welcome," he said.
"I love you," I said.
"I love you too," he said, "so I have a question."
"Sure what's up?" I asked.
"Are you interested in dinner at my dad's house this weekend? I'm with my dad this weekend and he really wants to meet you," he said.
"Sure I'd love to," I smiled.
"Does Saturday work?" He asked, "I can pick you up."
"That sounds great," I said.
"Perfect," he said.
"I'll see you tomorrow at school?" I asked.
"You will," he said.
"Okay I gotta go, I love you," I said.
"I love you too Amelia," he said. I hung up and grabbed a blank piece of paper.

Dear Ryan,
It's good to hear from you. I'm glad you're sober and I'm sorry you probably had to do that alone in prison. I'm sober too. I hope you're doing okay, and making the best of what you can. I accept your apology but in no way do I forgive you. I can't ever forgive you for the pain that you've caused me, mentally, physically, and emotionally. I can't visit you because I never want to see you again. I loved you. Past tense. Loved. I really did. But you were horrible to me and for me. I appreciate you reaching out and what I assume is making amends in the process of sobriety. I'm with Link now, and you're right, he's 100 times the man you would ever be. I'm happy, healthy, and safe now, and I wish the same for you in the future, if you ever get out of prison, which quite frankly I hope you don't.
-Amelia Shepherd